


It's Overwhelming How Much I Hate Everything But You

by QuirkyNeon (iforgetlikeanelephant)



Series: Post-War Draco [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, M/M, Past Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 11:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3934321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iforgetlikeanelephant/pseuds/QuirkyNeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the only two 8th year Slytherins Draco and Pansy are attached at the hip, more than usual, and they're pretty convinced that they're the only two in the school that haven't lot their minds. Potter has at least one eye on Draco at all times, Draco needs help in Charms, and Pansy may or may not have her eyes stuck on the Gryffindor table. Their 8th year turns out to be more interesting, good and bad, than either had thought to expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Overwhelming How Much I Hate Everything But You

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Angsty by Best Coast (great band, everyone should listen to them tbh)

It’s been months since Draco stepped foot in Hogwarts, and he knows in his heart that he should have helped with the rebuilding but by the time Potter owled him his wand with a note attached (one that Draco didn’t bother reading before tossing into the fire) he had talked himself into and out of going to help too many times to count. In the end, he decided to donate Galleons to the cause but not do anything more, because he felt his presence might have been more of a distraction than anything else what with the other volunteers most likely being out for Malfoy blood. 

During the trials for the confirmed and suspected Death Eaters the media had been a circus, digging up all they could on all of the witches and wizards on trial, and reporting the dirt when they found it. That’s how it became public knowledge after Draco and his mother’s cases were dismissed, thanks to Harry Potter because he seemed to be the only person that the Wizengamot would listen to nowadays, that Lucius had transferred the Malfoy fortunes to Draco’s name sometime during the war, meaning that he and his mother could continue living comfortably while the eldest Malfoy spent the rest of his life in Azkaban. This didn’t sit well with most of the general public, even with their names having been cleared by Harry Potter himself, and they began to get hate mail and Howlers and even the occasional cursed object sent to the manor, so much so that they began having their mail directed to the Ministry instead of the manor, not wanting to deal with any such nonsense. 

“Draco, darling, I wish you would consider going back to Hogwarts this year. I don’t want your future to be ruined just because of...him,” Narcissa says from behind her book quietly, watching Draco pace between the small aisles of their manor library. 

“Mum, you know I can’t now that I’m head of the manor,” Draco sighs, sitting down stiffly on the edge of the overstuffed chair in front of her, brushing his newly grown out hair over his shoulders before he folds his hands in his lap. 

Narcissa thumbs down the corner of the page she’s on, something she would never have dared do if Lucius were around to see it, and closes her book, setting it down on the small table next to the arm of her chair. “I’ll have you know that I’m very much alive and very much capable of taking care of the manor for nine months while you’re away at school. You don’t honestly think that Lucius took care of this place while you were away, do you? The house elves have always respected me more than they ever would him,” she says none too gently, her eyes narrowing at Draco’s hands fidgeting in his lap. 

Draco finally lets out a huge sigh and sinks back into the chair, almost overwhelmed by stress, “it wouldn’t be right, leaving you here with no one but the house elves for company.”

“What wouldn’t be right is you not returning to Hogwarts with the excuse that you need to look after your perfectly capable mother and the manor that neither of us truly think of as home anymore,” Narcissa says, her gaze softening slightly as she takes in the stress on her only son’s face and the way his shoulders are tight, even as he’s seemingly relaxed into the chair. “Hogwarts would do you good, Dragon, and at the very least you’ll be able to get away from this place for a while,” she continues, smoothing her hands down over her lap to get the creases out of her robe. 

Draco shakes his head ‘no’ slightly even as he shrugs and says, “if you think it’s what’s best I’ll send my letter of intention to Headmistress McGonagall in the morning.”

“There’s no need for that, I already sent the letter off this morning before you woke. You should be getting a reply from her sometime today via the owl I sent it off with,” Narcissa says, knowing her son and knowing that he would have put off sending the missive until it was too late and the headmistress would have no other option but to tell him no.

“ _Mother_!” Draco snaps, feeling the overwhelming surge of non-control wash over him, his hands almost shaking with it, “I am perfectly capable of sending off a letter.”

“Yes? Then why have you yet to send a letter to Mister Potter in thanks for your wand?” Narcissa asks, tilting her head and arching an eyebrow when Draco finally meets her eye.

“I don’t feel the need to thank the thief that stole my wand for doing what’s expected of him and returning it,” Draco answers stiffly, not wanting to explain what had happened up on the tower the morning of the Final Battle beyond what he had already told her. “I’ll see you at supper and if the owl from McGonagall returns before that, I’ll receive it when we sit down to eat,” he says, standing up and straightening his shirt tails before turning from his mother and leaving the library. 

\-------------

Draco looks down at his trunk without seeing it, his stomach flipping as he begins to talk himself into leaving for the Hogwarts Express. “This will be good for you. It’s what mother wants, it’s what you want,” he murmurs before he calls out for a house elf and smiles politely before continuing in a normal tone of voice, “Flicker, could you please take my trunk to platform 9 ¾?” 

“Yes master Draco, of course,” the small elf says with a low bow, “Flicker will stay with the trunk until yous arrive, sir.”

“Thank you, Flicker, you may go,” Draco says with a more genuine smile at the elf as she grabs the handle of the trunk and disappears with a shockingly loud sound. 

“You make a much better master to them than Lucius ever did,” his mother’s voice says from behind him, causing him to turn and look at where she’s leaning against the doorway to his bedchambers. 

“Mum,” he says, his voice cracking slightly before he stops to clear his throat, “I’m scared.” 

Narcissa closes the distance between them in a handful of steps as she says, “shush Dragon, you’ll be fine. Just keep your head up and your nose clean.”

“I know but…” Draco can’t figure out how he wants to end his sentence and instead leans forward so that his head is resting on his mother’s shoulder, her arms wrapping around his back in a tight hug. 

“You’ve grown so much in the past year,” Narcissa says, sounding almost sad, “and I’m so proud of the man you’ve become. I just wish you hadn’t needed to grow up so quickly.”

Draco sighs heavily and allows himself to be wrapped in his mother’s arms for a few more moments before he steps back and shakes his head slightly, trying to clear it. “I think I should go to the platform by myself, to show that I’m not intimidated by their hate,” he says, causing Narcissa to nod slightly. 

“Of course, Draco. Owl me once you’ve settle in tonight,” she smiles slightly, having asked the same of him every year before he boarded the Express.

Draco feels the ghost of a smile on his own lips, “obviously, of course I will.” 

“Thank you,” Narcissa says, tapping her cheek with her pointer finger and smiling when Draco leans in and kisses her cheek quickly, “now off with you! Have a good year, and let me know if you want to come back here for Christmas, or if you’d like to go to the manor in France.”

“Alright, mum,” Draco smiles, grabbing his traveling cloak from the foot of his bed before securing it over his shoulders and wishing, not for the first time, that he hadn’t given up his Apparation license as part of his minimal punishment handed down by the Wizengamot. Narcissa follows Draco out of his room and into the parlor where the only fireplace connected to the floo network is. 

“I love you, my Dragon,” Narcissa says, reaching out to grab Draco’s elbow as he grabs a handful of floo powder. 

“Love you too, mum,” Draco says back quietly as he frowns at the rough texture of the powder in his hand, already dreading the dirt that his cloak is going to collect. Narcissa lets go of his arm as he steps up to the fireplace, tossing the handful of floo powder into it and staring into the green flames, looking over his shoulder at his mother for a few quick seconds before he steps into the warm flames and says, “Platform 9 ¾” as loudly and clearly as he can. 

He tumbles out of the fireplace in the private room off to the side of the platform, losing his footing as his left foot gets tangled in the bottom of his cloak and swearing under his breath. “What a wonderful fucking way to start the year,” he grumbles, climbing to his feet and trying to dust off his cloak as well as he can, giving it up for bad luck when he can’t seem to get any of the grime off. 

Draco sniffs and wipes at his face with his hands, looking into the mirror above the fireplace that he so gracelessly exited and finding his face clear of the same dirt that’s covering the rest of his body. He meets his own gaze for the first time in what seems like forever, keeping steady eye contact with himself as he nods slowly to himself and lets out a heavy sigh before turning on his heel and walking quickly out of the floo room. After stopping by the luggage carriage to let Flicker know he’s there, he finds an empty carriage for himself and slips into a quiet room, locking the door behind him with a short flick of his wand.

He thinks he’s in the clear when the train begins to move and not a single person has attempted to sit with him but ten minutes into the journey there’s a timid knock on the door. Draco looks up glaring but quickly feels his face drain of color when he sees a battered and bruised Pansy standing in the corridor with her shoulders resting somewhere around her ears. “Pansy, what the hell happened?” Draco demands to know as he opens the door and ushers her in, glaring up and down the hall to check for others before locking the door behind him as he turns to watch Pansy ease herself down onto the bench across from where he had been sitting. 

“I made the mistake of being in the wrong place at the wrong time,” she says through clenched teeth, her chin streaked with dried blood that had obviously flowed from her nose. 

“Who did this?” Draco tries again, sitting next to Pansy and pulling out his wand. He runs a quick diagnostics check on her and sees that her nose is broken and that she’s also got three cracked ribs and one that’s bruised, so fixes her broken bones with a murmured “sorry” when she flinches in pain at the bones resetting and apologizes again when he realizes that there’s nothing he can do for the bruises or the dried blood. 

After Draco has his wand tucked into his robe again Pansy admits, “it was a group of Gryffindors, I didn’t recognize them but if I had to guess I’d say they were sixth years last year and decided that a bit of revenge on one of the resident Death Eaters was good sport.”

“This is why I didn’t want to come back this year,” Draco says, resting an arm over Pansy’s shoulder and letting her rest against his side, her tender face pressing against his shoulder. 

“II was surprised when you owled and said that you’d be returning, I figured with the manor to run you’d be too busy,” she mumbles through a hiss as her bruised rib throbs.

Draco winces in empathy and responds, “Mother is very convincing when she wants to be, and by convincing I mean she’s amazing at guilting me into doing things because I still feel bad that I couldn’t stop the manor from being taken over.”

“I’m not surprised that your mum did that,” Pansy laughs carefully, smiling when she feels Draco kiss the top of her head. “She always has valued Hogwarts and your ability to be independent more than even you have,” she continues with a sigh, pressing her face against Draco’s shoulder again as a wave of pain goes up and down her side, making her shiver. 

“I’m sorry,” Draco says suddenly, feeling his eyes dampen with tears and feeling relief that Pansy’s too busy burying her face in his shoulder to be able to see his eyes. 

“Shut up,” she responds quickly, smacking a hand down on Draco’s thigh, “none of this is your fault! In fact, if you hadn’t been here today I’d still be broken all to hell.”

Draco’s about to say something back when there’s another knock on the door, this one loud and sure as opposed to Pansy’s hesitant one. “Who is it?!” Draco yells toward the door, not wanting to jostle Pansy around more than necessary by getting up to check. 

“It’s me-uhm, Harry Potter,” the voice is deep and obviously male, so Draco believes them for the moment and digs his wand out of his pocket, waving it at the door. 

“It’s unlocked so come in, but I’m keeping my wand at the ready,” Draco says loudly, almost laughing at how slowly the door is opened as he feels Pansy slip her arm into her own robe where he assumes she’s gripping her wand as well. 

“I uhm-I wanted to apologize to Parkin-to Pansy and someone said that she’s in here with you,” Harry says before he pokes his head into the cabin and catches sight of the bruised woman pressed against Draco’s side. “Oh hi, Pansy. I’m really sorry about what that group of idiots did, I’ve told them that it was wrong and that they should apologize but they all refused so I wanted to come and apologize--”

“Which you have, thank you Potter. Now you can leave,” Draco says, cutting him off and glaring at him more than is entirely necessary, but he’s not exactly pleased with the existence of Gryffindors at the moment. 

“Draco,” Pansy shushes him and sits up, letting her arm fall from her robe without her wand in hand as she carefully stands up and holds a hand out to Harry, waiting for him to get the idea. Harry does, more quickly than she thought he would, and he steps further into the cabin, the door sliding shut behind him as he places his own hand into hers and shakes as she says, “apology accepted, thank you. And while we’re apologizing I would like to apologize for the way that I was so willing to give you to the Dark Lord when he asked for you during the battle.”

Harry blinks and actually has to think back for a second because he had forgotten all about that. “That was already forgiven and forgotten, war and fear can make people do strange things,” he says with a smile at the girl in front of him even as his eyes flick over to Draco for a moment, allowing him to watch the other man’s face turn a slight pink from embarrassment.

“Well this is nice,” Draco says sarcastically as he wills his cheeks to fade back to their too white appearance as Pansy looks over her shoulder at him, “the Gryffindor Golden Boy apologizes for the assholes from his house and expects to be forgiven.”

Harry winces as he pulls his hand away from Pansy, tossing her a sad smile as he says, “I’ll just leave, I’m sorry again, Pansy.”

“It’s alright,” Pansy says to Harry’s back as he exits the carriage and Draco locks the door behind the retreating man’s back. “Why are you being such an asshole to him!” she snaps, turning back to Draco with a glare that’s made almost more terrifying with the blood on her face.

“I’m not treating him any differently than I have in previous years,” Draco hums, crossing his arms over his chest as Pansy sits down on the bench across from him, not liking to sit next to Draco when he’s in one of his moods. 

“Well you should, because as much as you don’t want to admit it he saved everyone’s lives...he saved your life,” Pansy says, glaring at him and leaning forward slightly on the bench to rest her elbows on her knees. 

“Well I certainly didn’t ask to be saved,” he responds, glaring back at his best mate angrily because he is vividly aware of just how much Harry saved his life, completely against his will. 

Pansy huffs and shifts so that she’s closer to the window, resting her face against the cool glass and ignoring Draco for the rest of the train ride. Or at least most of the ride, only speaking when she needs help putting on her Slytherin robe, her ribs still tender and bruised. “I’m sorry,” she says quietly as Draco secures her robe for her, his hands smoothing down the robe over her shoulders to get rid of wrinkles. 

“Shut up,” he responds just as quietly, “I’m just in a shit mood today, being nervous is not my best look. I’m sorry that I’m such as arsehole, and I’m sorry that you have to deal with me.” Draco frowns as he secures his own robe over his shoulders before leaning in and wrapping Pansy up in a tight but gentle hug, feeling content for the first time in a while. 

“I’m glad you’re here this year,” Pansy says, her cheek resting on Draco’s shoulder as her arms are wrapped tightly around his waist. 

“I hope that I eventually become happy to be here this year,” Draco says as he and Pansy break away from the hug, both of them brushing their hands down the front of their robes to get rid of wrinkles and using that time to hide their faces from each other.

Pansy laughs once they’ve both recovered from their emotions and says, “I think that is why people believe that we’re dating,” while once again taking a seat on the bench across from where Draco has sat down. 

“Probably,” Draco agrees, “and we most likely would be dating if you were interested in men and I was interested in women.” He feels his eyes widen because that’s the first time that he’s admitted out loud that he’s not a fan of the fairer sex, having always just said that he didn’t have the time to be interested in anyone (“...because if you haven’t noticed we’re in the middle of a bloody war!”). 

Pansy’s eyes widen as she feels a scowl start to form. “Really? We’ve been best mates since we were in diapers and that’s how you come out of the broom closet??? I’ve been expecting tears and dramatics and possibly catching you in bed with a bloke not that...easy admittance,” she starts laughing at the relieved look on Draco’s face as soon as it registers that that’s what his slightly pink cheeks and downcast eyes are conveying. 

“If it makes you feel better I thought that there would be more tears too,” Draco admits with his own choked giggle. “And also, I didn’t think it would be so out of nowhere,” he adds, continuing to laugh as he covers his face. 

Pansy’s about to say something else when the train comes to a complete stop and the conductor’s voice rings out throughout the Express, announcing that they’ve reached their stop. She and Draco wave their wands over the clothes that they changed out of, banishing them to their trunks before they unlock the carriage door, Pansy moving carefully as she’s still sore. “Keep an eye out for me, will you?” she asks unnecessarily as Draco is already on full alert, his wand out by his side, looking relaxed but ready to strike in an instant.

“Duh,” he murmurs under his breath, hooking his pinky with Pansy’s and letting her lead the way, “I’ve always got your back Pankinson.”

\---------

After the Start-of-Term Feast ends and all the younger students have gone to bed, Draco finds himself walking the familiar hallways toward the recently rebuilt Astronomy Tower, needing to be completely alone in a place where no one would think to look for him since Pansy is being made to spend the night in the Hospital Wing and visiting hours were over hours ago. 

The walk up to the top of the tower seems shorter than it did last time, which is probably because he hasn’t just spent hours fighting a battle for something he doesn’t believe in in the first place and also isn’t caked in blood and grime. Draco stops at the top of the stairs, looking behind himself and hesitating only slightly before he opens the door, the muggy night air enveloping him and making it harder to breathe as deeply as his lungs want him to after the long climb to the top. He steps out into the night and lets the door close behind him, locking it with a wave of his wand because he learned his lesson from the last time he was up here and was so rudely interrupted by Harry Potter-which is something he’d like to avoid now if at all possible. 

“It looks the same,” he mumbles to himself in slight disbelief, having expected someone to have changed at least something about the tall tower, if only because of the negative memories that it carries. Draco takes his time as he walks around the perimeter of the tower, his fingers brushing against the cold stone of the turrets as he passes by them, only stopping with his wandering when he reaches the spot where Dumbledore fell over the edge and a silver plaque now sits-seemingly the only new addition to the tower. 

Draco glances at it and then looks away, not able to bring himself to read it before he moves on, letting his hand rest on the plaque as he slowly walks past it. He paces a few more laps around the top of the tower, looking up at the stars as he does, before he decides to call it a night and head back down to the Slytherin common room. Waving his wand to unlock the door, he wishes he were more surprised that, when he opens it, Harry Potter is sitting at the top of the stairs, a bit of parchment and the same robe that he had with him the night he stopped Draco from doing what he wanted bundled in his lap. “I figured you’d be here,” Harry says even as he sounds unsure while he scrambles to his feet.

“Potter,” Draco greets, not in the mood to be talked at as he shoulders his way past the other man. 

“You didn’t reply to my note this summer,” Harry says at his back, his footsteps easily keeping up with Draco’s.

Draco accidentally snorts out a laugh, covering his mouth slightly before he responds honestly, “I never even read it.”

“Oh, well-”

“Whatever you may think, Potter, you and I are not friends. We’re not even acquaintances. I’m the wanker that tried to kill myself on this very tower and you are the wanker that stopped me from doing what I want so badly to have done; that doesn’t mean I have to read letters from you. In fact, I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t even look at me let alone pen me letters,” Draco says matter of factly as they reach the bottom of the steps, finally turning and taking in Harry’s appearance for the first time since the last time they travelled down the Astronomy Tower stairs together. 

_Potter looks healthy_ , he thinks to himself, knowing that the opposite is true for him. He’s under no illusions that he’s looking well, with his long hair uncharacteristically messy from having been in the breeze at the top of the tower and his own body thin, verging on frail, because he still hasn’t found the will to want to stay alive. Draco’s shaken from his musings on Potter’s appearance as Harry says, “you’re right, you _are_ a wanker! Maybe I should have just let you do it, let you jump off the Astronomy Tower and die like the coward you are.”

“Glad you’ve finally realized that, Potter,” Draco snaps, turning toward the path he’ll take to the dungeon without so much as a backwards glance at the other man. 

\---------

“Why is Harry staring at you?” Pansy asks Draco the next morning at breakfast, her face and ribs healed and allowing her to eat more waffles than is strictly healthy.

Draco looks up from the fruit on his plate and glances at the Gryffindor table, noticing that Potter is indeed staring at him. “I don’t know, Pans, when has that Gryffin-dork ever done anything that makes sense,” he answers, his left arm itching like mad and causing him to flinch and drop his gaze back to his plate. 

“...you haven’t used that insult since we were thirteen,” Pansy says with a laugh, knocking her shoulder against Draco’s as she continues, “but that’s very true, Harry’s always up to something.”

“Can you please not call him ‘Harry’ around me?” Draco snaps before he picks up a piece of pineapple and shoves it angrily into his mouth.

“Can you _please_ get over this childish vendetta you have against him?” Pansy snaps back, looking at him with a glare that would quell a lesser man. 

“It’s not childish and it’s not a vendetta. He’s just...he’s always there and he’s _always_ saving the world! I’m sick of him,” Draco says quietly, trying to avoid having more attention drawn to him than absolutely necessary. “I’m not continuing this conversation here,” he says as he watches Pansy open her mouth to reply.

“ _Fine_ ,” she snaps, “but after we get our timetables we’re going to have a nice conversation about what the hell’s up with you and Potter.” Draco mentally curses, for the first time ever it seems, that their first day back at Hogwarts is a Saturday meaning that, while they’ll still get their schedules after breakfast, they won’t have classes until the following Monday.

“Great,” Draco mumbles around a mouthful of raspberries, glancing up and noticing that Potter is still staring. 

The rest of breakfast is a quiet affair, Pansy thinking about the conversation ahead and Draco dreading it, particularly when Slughorn comes by and hands them their timetables, mumbling something that Draco can’t decipher under his breath. “ _Always_ so glad that the professors are as bigoted as their students,” Pansy says loudly, causing most of the eyes in the Great Hall to turn toward her as Slughorn’s face pales. “C’mon Draco, let’s leave these arseholes to gossip behind our backs like they want to,” she continues, glaring at everyone that turned to look at her as she stands up and grabs Draco’s hand, dragging him behind her out of the Great Hall. 

“That was...unexpected,” Draco says as Pansy drops his hand just outside of the Great Hall, the two of them folding their timetables in half and tucking them into their robe pockets. “I didn’t even hear what Slughorn said if I’m honest.”

“He said, and I quote, ‘why must they let Death Eater scum back into the school’ as he handed you your timetable,” Pansy snaps, still angry at the professor as she nods her head toward the entrance doors, she and Draco walking out into the unseasonably overcast day and toward the big tree next to the lake. 

“I figure we’ll be hearing a lot of that this year,” Draco says, wishing he could be as angry as Pansy but only feeling resigned, “there’s a reason we’re the only Slytherins from our year that came back here and didn’t transfer somewhere else.”

“I’m starting to think everyone else is much smarter than us,” Pansy admits as they reach the tree and essentially collapse onto the grass below the low hanging branches, neither worried about the grass stains that their robes are undoubtedly gathering as they lay there. “Now talk to me,” she demands, turning her head to look at Draco’s profile, his eyes never leaving the canopy of the tree above them. 

“I tried to kill myself at the end of the battle. I was going to jump off of the Astronomy Tower and instead what happened was I ended up being stunned and held to the floor of the Astronomy Tower because Potter had to interfere in my life _once again._ That’s why I don’t like him, because he made me not have a choice in my own life,” Draco answers after a few moments of collecting his thoughts, deciding to leave out the nastiness of him crying and screaming at Potter that he wanted to die. 

Pansy freezes for a moment, not knowing what to say as she finally decides that the best course of action is to roll over onto her side and press herself against Draco, hugging him tightly and ignoring the shaky breath that he forces out. “I know how much you crave control, but I’m really glad that Potter was there,” she says eventually, shifting slightly so that her head is resting on Draco’s chest and his arms are tight around her back. 

“I still think about it, and I wish he hadn’t stopped me most days,” Draco admits quietly, his left arm throbbing in remembered pain as Pansy hums slightly.

“I’m sorry,” she says just as softly, at a loss of words, “I’m always here if you need to talk.”

Draco whispers back, “thanks,” as he traces random spell patterns on Pansy’s back with his fingertips, simply enjoying being close with someone that he cares about and who isn’t his mother.

They lay like that for what seems like hours, Draco watching the leaves and clouds move overhead as Pansy naps on and off, the steady beat of Draco heart soothing and making it very difficult to stay awake. When she blinks awake again, not sure how many times she’s nodded off at that point, she decides to sit up and grab her timetable from her robe pocket. “Alright, let’s see what classes we’re taking this year, then,” she says, shaking her schedule open and waving it in Draco’s face, laughing as he jerks in surprise and opens his eyes. 

“Arse,” Draco grumbles, sitting up and tugging his own schedule from his pocket carefully. They compare their schedules and see that the only class that they aren’t both taking is Care of Magical Creature, Draco having decided against going for a N.E.W.T. level in that class and instead focusing on the class load that will hopefully help him land a position as a Healer. 

“I have no idea why I decided to take Care,” Pansy admits, “I just can’t think of a career that I want to enter after Hogwarts, especially one that will take me with my less than shining past.”

“At least you’re not trying to be a Healer while your arm is home to the Dark Mark,” Draco replies as he looks down at his robe covered arm. 

“They’ll be dumb if they don’t let you become a Healer; Madam Pomfrey said herself that your bone setting charm was the best she’s seen outside of Saint Mungo’s!” Pansy reminds him, reaching out to cover his forearm with her hand to get him to look away from his fabric covered Mark. 

Draco looks up at Pansy and says, “yeah, right. Pomfrey doesn’t exactly run the admittance office for Saint Mungo’s training though so I don’t see how that’s going to help me.” Pansy shrugs and shakes her head sadly while Draco tugs his arm away from her, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Pansy’s just about to say something when a voice yells out, “Malfoy! Parkinson! Can I talk to you two for a moment?” 

Draco twists his torso around, a glare appearing on his face as he sees Hermione Granger walking toward them, her Head Girl badge shining on her chest. “Certainly, Granger,” Pansy replies before Draco can say anything rude, hiding her own grimace behind a delicate hand. 

Pansy and Draco get to their feet as Hermione makes her way over to them, not wanting to be approached while they’re sitting comfortably on the grass, relaxing. “I just wanted to apologize for the actions of some of the members of my house yesterday while on the train, I didn’t know about anything until Harry mentioned something this morning. If I had known I would have said something earlier, and seen that they were punished accordingly,” Hermione says seriously once she’s level with Pansy and Draco, making eye contact with the both of them before she focuses her gaze on Pansy, “again, I’m sorry that this happened to you, and if I could have stopped it I would have.” 

“Thank you, Granger,” Pansy says softly, her cheeks heating up as she catches Hermione’s eye. 

“You’re welcome,” she responds, her gaze softening slightly as she sees Pansy’s hands twisting in front of her from nerves. 

Draco sees his friend’s face and internally rolls his eyes at the girl before he says, his voice strong, “I do hope that they’ve been punished accordingly.”

Hermione switches her gaze to Draco and nods, saying, “They’ve been given a month of detention each as well as thirteen inch essays on why they shouldn’t judge people on their past mistakes. And before you say anything about their detentions being easy, they’re being served with Filch and every third day they’ll be helping Hagrid with his creatures.”

“That’s acceptable,” Draco says, nodding to himself and pressing his hand against the small of Pansy’s back as he sees her shoulders tighten slightly. “Thank you for taking care of my friend in a way that I can’t,” he continues seriously, giving Hermione a rare smile and holding out his free hand for the Gryffindor to shake. 

“You’re welcome, Malfoy,” Hermione says, reaching out and shaking Draco’s hand with a strong grip. With that she turns on her heel and walks back toward the castle, missing Draco turn to look at Pansy, his head tilted. 

“Really? _Really?_ ” he asks, not needing to elaborate any further as Pansy’s cheeks heat up to a deep red. 

“Shut _up_ ,” Pansy snaps, reaching up to cover her face with her hands, embarrassed at being caught mooning over Granger. 

“So _that’s_ why you want me to be nicer to Potter, isn’t it? You do know that she’s with Weasley now, right? Didn’t you see them at the feast last night?” Draco badgers, almost doubling up in laughter. 

Pansy lets out a growl and stomps away, following the same path that Hermione did moments before as Draco continues laughing, causing him to have to rush to catch up with her. “I’m _sorry_ , Pansy, slow down! I promise that’s the only time I’ll make fun of you,” Draco says, knowing that he’s lying even as he says it. 

“Liar,” Pansy says with venom, only slowing down because she’s out of breath which allows Draco to catch up and grab her hand. 

He says, “okay yes, I’m probably lying, but can you really blame me? You having a crush on Granger is hilarious and you know it.”

Pansy groans and laces her fingers with Draco’s as she says, “yeah, so fine, you’re right and I’m going to be alone forever because I have horrible taste in partners.”

“You do but it’s okay because I love you anyway,” Draco says, swinging their joined hands between them slightly, causing Pansy to giggle and squeeze his hand. “If it makes you feel better I too will probably be alone forever because I would rather cuddle than fuck...and also because of the whole Death Eater scum thing,” he admits, figuring that trading one secret for another is fair. 

“not much of a fair trade of secrets,” Pansy says, laughing slightly as they make their way into the Hogwarts entrance hall, their hands still connected between them.

They’re almost to the entrance for the dungeons when there are footsteps behind them, the loud sound causing them to freeze-not wanting to be followed into a location where there’s only one way out. “Draco, Pansy, I heard that Hermione talked to you?” the person behind them says, causing Draco’s shoulders to drop because _of course_ it’s Harry Potter. 

“Yes, Potter,” Draco says, not bothering to do more than look over his shoulder at the other man, “Granger came to tell us that the group that decided to go Death Eater hunting yesterday has been punished in an acceptable manner.”

Harry smiles at Draco, causing the other man to tense up, “good, I asked her to but I wasn’t sure if she would,” he says as his eyes drop to where Draco’s gripping Pansy’s hand so tightly that his knuckles are white and Pansy is holding back a noise of pain. 

“Thanks again, Harry,” Pansy says through her teeth as she digs her fingernails into the back of Draco’s hand, causing the man to loosen his grip instantaneously. 

“No problem,” Harry says before continuing, “I’ll just leave you two to uh-“ before stopping with a vague hand gesture and taking off in the direction that he came, his sudden exit confusing the two Slytherins. 

“Oh Merlin,” Pansy says suddenly, covering her mouth wither her free hand and breaking into giggles as she shakes her other hand free of Draco’s. 

Draco tilts his head, still confused, “what?” 

Pansy can barely get her words out between her laughter, “he thought- _oh Merlin_ \- he thought that we were going to-going to have sex!”

“What? _Why_?” Draco questions loudly, his face heating up as he fights to cover his face with his hands, “just because we were holding hands?” Pansy’s still laughing as she continues to walk toward the Slytherin common room, leaving Draco behind, still confused and mumbling, “ _but why?_ ” to himself. 

———-

“Ready for potions?” Pansy asks as she drops onto the Slytherin bench next to Draco the following morning, already reaching for the pumpkin juice before she’s completely seated. 

“I suppose,” he answers around a mouthful of toast, “I’m not looking forward to being with the Gryffindors though, because you know Potty is going to be in there.”

“ _Harry_ ,” Pansy corrects absently, placing a waffle on her plate and drowning it in syrup, “and anyway, you probably won’t have to deal with him I mean, what’s the likelihood of Ol’ Sluggy putting you anywhere near his Golden Boy?”

~ ~ ~ ~

“…and last but not least, Harry m’boy I have you paired off with Malfoy,” Slughorn says, sounding apologetic after he pairs off the rest of the class, Draco’s stomach dropping to somewhere around his knees as he mentally curses Pansy for speaking too soon. 

Draco looks to the front of the class where Harry’s sitting and glares at him until the Gryffindor gathers his stuff and moves next to him, Draco not wanting to move to the front of the class because he doesn’t want to give anyone the chance to toss unnecessary ingredients into his cauldron. “So uh-I don’t actually know why I’m in this class,” Harry admits in a near whisper as he drops his stuff onto the table, his books spreading across the desk messily. 

“What do you mean?” Draco asks, pushing Harry’s books onto his half of the desk with a glare.

“I mean that I uhm…I’m rubbish at Potions, seriously rubbish,” Harry answers honestly, shoving his books back into his bag and dropping it onto the ground with an apologetic look at Draco. “I honestly only think I’m in here because Slughorn is teaching, if Snape were still teaching he’d be laughing as he tossed me out on my arse,” he continues as Draco stands up and places his own pewter cauldron on the table between them. 

“Alright, great, so I’ll be doing this potion myself and you’ll only do what I tell you to do and absolutely nothing more. If you bugger up this potion and my cauldron explodes I will throw you off the Astronomy Tower myself,” Draco says, grabbing his textbook and opening it to the page that Slughorn said the potion was on, his eyes darting over the list of ingredients that he and his partner are going to need. 

Harry nods and then says, “you couldn’t throw me off the tower now because when I was helping to rebuild it I had them put wards up to stop people from falling or jumping off of the edge. I had a feeling that it was a good idea.” He glances at Draco out of the corner of his eye, watching as he freezes with his hands hovering above his textbook. 

“Go gather these ingredients,” Draco says harshly, shoving the book at Harry and using his wand to start a fire under his cauldron, “and do _try_ not to drop any of them.” 

Harry looks like he’s going to argue but he doesn’t, deciding instead to keep his mouth shut and grab the textbook, taking it with him to the ingredient cupboard without an argument and returning a handful of minutes later. Draco lets out a long breath as he watches the other man balance their ingredients awkwardly on top of his textbook, waiting until Harry’s only an arms length away to grab a handful of the ingredients off of the top and place them carefully on the tabletop. The Gryffindor is not as careful however, practically spilling the remaining ingredients onto the table and only just missing the cauldron and the open flame beneath it. 

“What. Did. I. Ask,” Draco nearly growls, feeling his fingers ache to wrap around his wand and throw a curse at Harry, already sick of being around him. 

“To not drop the ingredients; and I _didn’t_...technically I placed them down messily on the table,” the other man responds, trying to be cheeky and only managing to piss Draco off even more. 

“Just..cut these in thin slices and set them aside,” Draco snaps, pointing at the sheep eyes and bat wings that he sent Harry to gather and turning his own attention to preparing the other, more delicate, ingredients. He winces when he accidentally grabs his cleaver instead of his paring knife, memories flashing through his mind even as he tries to push them aside, feeling disgusted with himself as his left forearm throbs in phantom pain. 

“Are you alright?” Harry asks lowly as he sees the blood drain from Draco’s face.

Draco stiffens as he says, “yes, I’m fine. Now please, we need to finish this potion.” After he says this he wants to smack himself, knowing that he just showed weakness by practically begging to finish the assignment. 

“Yeah...okay,” Harry says, slicing the ingredients that Draco told him to carefully. They work in tandem, Draco tossing orders around and Harry struggling to follow his directions in just the way that the other man wants. Draco manages to stir the last ingredient in just in time, letting out a heavy sigh as the potion turns from a pearly white to a pale grey, just as the textbook said it should. “I don’t think I’ve ever finished a potion that looked this correct on the first try,” Harry admits as he peers into the shining surface, looking up to genuinely smile at Draco just as Slughorn makes his way over to their table. 

“Harry m’boy! You’ve done excellently on this potion, just as I knew you would!” Slughorn booms loudly, slapping a hand against Harry’s back and causing the younger man to wince in pain. “I hope Mister Malfoy here didn’t give you too much trouble,” he continues in a stage whisper, Draco turning his head and packing up his knives in an attempt to look like he’s not listening to Slughorn talk about him. 

“Actually _Draco_ did most of the work, I really just handed him things when he told me to,” Harry says honestly, a stern look on his face as he makes eye contact with the potions professor. 

“Can I be excused, Professor?” Draco asks as he watches the line of Harry’s shoulders, knowing from experience that he’s beginning to get angry.

Slughorn waves his hand in a dismissive gesture as he says, “yes, yes, you and Harry here have got full marks for this potion. Make sure you have a properly labeled vial on my desk before you go.”

Draco places the labeled vial of potion in front of Harry and says, “write your name,” before he vanishes the mess in his cauldron with a spell that he learned from Snape and packs it away into his bag, shouldering it before he walks out with his head held high. 

He’s nearly out of the dungeon, heading toward the library to work on the essay that Slughorn assigned at the beginning of class, when he hears Harry speak up loudly behind him. “Hey, Draco! Wait up a second will you?” Draco doesn’t mean to slow down but he does, letting the other man catch up to him without having to run. 

“What is it, Potter?” Draco asks, not in the mood for banter, and really not in the mood for a friendly conversation. 

“I want to apologize for Slug-”

“Stop, Potter, just _stop_ ,” Draco snaps, tossing his hands up in the air in frustration, “I am getting _sick_ of you apologizing on behalf of other people! Just accept the fact that I’ll never be anything more than a Death Eater in the eyes of these people, because I’ve accepted it, and I’ve moved on which is exactly what you need to do.”

Harry grabs Draco’s left forearm to stop him from walking, his grip tight even as Draco tries to pull away. “You don’t deserve to be treated how you’re letting people treat you, none of you Slytherins do,” he says, sounding angry.

“Well I can’t stop them. None of us can,” Draco responds, just as angrily, “and it’s all thanks to the ugly Mark I have on my arm.”

Harry huffs out a breath, “it’s just a scar like any other, Draco.”

“It’s not just a _scar_ , it’s a mark of pure Dark magic, Potter,” Draco snaps, the feel of Harry’s hand on his left forearm searing through his robe. “When will you get that, huh? When will you get that I’m bad news and that just because you stopped me from taking a nose dive off the Astronomy Tower in some misguided attempt at... _what_ exactly? Thanks to my mother for lying for you? Still riding the adrenaline rush from killing the Dark Lord? I never asked for any of this, _especially_ the part where I’m still alive,” he continues, finally managing to shake Harry’s hand off of his arm and pulling his now free appendage to his chest, the phantom pain that he’s become accustomed to becoming almost unbearable. 

“I stopped you because I’m not an arsehole that likes to watch people die,” Harry responds, knowing that Draco hadn’t actually been asking him and had only been ranting, but feeling the need to say something in his own defense.

“I’m dying every day that I’m still alive and having to deal with what that means,” Draco snaps, sounding more upset than angry, his cheeks losing color as he quickly turns on his heel and stalks toward the Slytherin common room, deciding then and there that he’s going to begin avoid Harry Potter at all costs. 

\------------

“Draco? I brought you a slice of tart and a sandwich...I noticed you weren’t at lunch,” Pansy’s voice says from the other side of Draco’s bed curtains as one of her hands reaches out to pull them open slightly. 

“‘m not hungry,” Draco says into his pillow, continuing to lay on his stomach and not bothering to turn his head to look at his friend. 

Draco hears Pansy sigh heavily and feels her weight settle on the edge of his mattress, the sound of the plate she brought in with her clanking gently down onto his bedside table loud in the quiet dorm room. “What happened in Potions? Harry looked absolutely wrecked during lunch, kept looking at our table which I take to mean that he was looking for you,” Pansy says almost under her breath, not wanting to speak too loudly and ruin the near silent atmosphere surrounding them as she places a hand gently on Draco’s back. 

He doesn’t say anything for a few moments, relaxing into the repetitive motion of Pansy’s hand on his back before he finally shifts his head on the pillow and looks at her. “Potions was fine. Potter and I were partners, of course, and Sluggy was an arsehole, again that’s unsurprising, but Potter listened to me when I told him what to do so we worked together pretty well. It’s what happened _after_ Potions that has made me hide in here and away from Potter’s prying eyes,” Draco grumbles, shifting slightly until his hip is pressing against Pansy’s thigh as she continues rubbing his back. 

“And what’s that?” she asks, letting her hand drift from his back to his hair, knowing from years of experience that his scalp is his ultimate weakness, and someone can always manage to get him to spill the story when they’re playing with his hair. 

“Dirty trick,” Draco complains even as his eyes close and he relaxes further into his mattress, “it’s not much really it’s just that...I may have told Potter that I wish he had let me die. And also I told him to leave me alone because I’m bad news and cursed with Dark Magic.”

“Oh _Draco_ ,” Pansy sighs, shaking her head even though she knows he can’t see her, “you’re better than you think you are.”

Draco sighs and finally moves, rolling onto his back and staring up at the emerald colored canopy above his bed. “I just wish Potter would leave me alone, it’s like he thinks he gets to involve himself in my life just because he saved it. Which, as I remind him near daily, I never asked for,” he complains, flinching when Pansy smacks a hand down on his chest. 

“You need to stop thinking about dying, and you need to do it now,” she snaps, her cheeks devoid of color, “I can’t stand knowing that you’ve tried to kill yourself!”

“...twice,” Draco admits quietly, not able to look over at Pansy to see her eyes widen and the hand that’s not still on his chest go up to cover her mouth in shock. 

“What-what do you mean? You only told me about the...Astronomy Tower,” Pansy stutters out, not knowing why she’s asking because she honestly doesn’t want to hear how her best mate has tried to kill himself more than once _apparently_.

He sighs again and lifts his left arm out perpendicular to his body, letting his robe sleeve fall around his elbow, the sight of his forearm causing Pansy to let out a loud gasp. “Did you know that the Dark Magic in the Mark makes it near impossible to remove,” Draco says, feigning nonchalance at the pale twisting pattern of thick scar tissue spanning the length of his forearm, the scars almost taking over the Dark Mark in their abundance. He feels more than sees Pansy reach out to touch his arm gently, his eyes closed, before he continues, “the Dark Magic in it also makes it so that any wound inflicted to it does nothing but scar up, only bleeding for a small amount of time and no matter how deep you cut you’ll never get to a place under the Mark that isn’t marked in the same way. My forearm muscle has the Dark Mark on it-and I know because that’s how far I managed to cut before a House Elf found me nearly passed out in my bathtub.”

Pansy is at a loss for words, her eyes wet with tears as she wraps a gentle hand around Draco’s forearm and guides it to lay across his stomach. “I never thought I’d say this, but thank Merlin for this Mark if it made it impossible for you to bleed out,” she says eventually. Leaning down to hide her face against Draco’s chest for a moment before she sits back up and sniffles, wiping at her face with her hands before she looks down at him seriously. “Now I really need you to eat, because I’m feeling very maternal towards you right now and it’s taking everything in me to not just cast a bubble charm around your entire body so that nothing can ever hurt you again,” she says suddenly which causes Draco to let out a slight chuckle. 

“I love you,” he says, seemingly out of no where which causes Pansy to smile happily at him as he finally gives in to her and sits up, reaching for the plate that she put on his bedside table. 

“Well now that you’re eating I love you too,” Pansy responds as Draco takes a small bite of the cheese sandwich that she brought him. “Life would be much easier if I were straight,” she says, repeating something that she’s repeated at least once a day since she told him that she’s not much into men. 

Draco nods and says around the food in his mouth, “same here.”

\---------

“I’ve figured out what I want to do,” Draco says to Pansy, after nearly a week of successfully avoiding being anywhere near Harry Potter that wasn’t also full of other students. 

Pansy looks up from her Care of Magical Creatures textbook and blearily focuses on Draco, “ah...about what?” 

“About our children, of course,” he replies sarcastically. “No, about the Mark. I’ve been thinking that maybe if I have another tattoo on me, one that I _actually want_ , I’ll be able to ignore this ugly thing more easily,” he continues once he knows that Pansy’s listening to him, nodding at his forearm.

“...you want to get a tattoo?” Pansy questions, starting off too loudly and dipping back into a near whisper as she looks around them and remember that they’re sitting in the library. “You, Draco ‘my beautiful skin is too pale to have blemishes’ Malfoy, want to get _another_ blemish _voluntarily_ somewhere on your body?”

“Yes,” Draco says simply before making another statement, this one nearly causing Pansy to fall out of her chair in shock, “and I want to get it done the Muggle way.”

“Don’t Muggles use _needles_? Tiny, fast moving, _painful_ needles?!?” Pansy asks, her voice nearly inaudible with how high pitched it is, trying to think back to the Muggle Studies books that she read over the summer while trying to figure out if she wanted to live in the Muggle world after Hogwarts simply to get away from the prejudices of other wizards. 

Draco nods, rubbing at his ears which causes Pansy to glare at him slightly, “yeah, I figure the pain can’t be worse than any of the times I was put under the _Cruciatus_ curse and...well, isn’t there a saying that ‘pain is cleansing’? I’m hoping that it will be.”

“I want to go, I’ll get one too,” Pansy says impulsively even as she sounds sure, her eyes blazing with excitement. 

“I already know what I want,” Draco confides, knowing that continuing to study for Defense is a lost cause as he shuts his book and and slides over a chair, ending up directly next to Pansy instead of across the table from her so that they can continue to talk without bothering the people trying to work on their homework around them.

Pansy doesn’t bother closing her own book, pushing it toward the center of the table instead as she asks, “ohh, what are you going to get?”

Draco feels embarrassed for the first time since the conversation started, his cheeks flushing slightly as he says, “flowers,” his eyes roaming all over the table in front of him to avoid Pansy’s gaze. 

“...what kind?” she questions again, rolling her eyes at how shifty he’s being. 

“Narcissus,” he answers, dropping his head onto the table as Pansy practically explodes, cooing over him so loudly that the people around them feel the need to shush them.

“You’re such a loser!” she says eventually, after she’s stopped making baby noises at him.

Draco shrugs his shoulders, his head still resting on the table as he says, “my mum was willing to die for the good of the wizarding world, as far as I’m concerned _everyone_ should be getting narcissus tattooed on them.” He sits up before he says, “and anyway, you’re the loser sitting over here and making baby noises at a grown man.”

“ _Point_ ,” Pansy agrees, “but I never said I wasn’t a loser, so that’s kind of not the point. The _point_ is that I have no idea what I want, and since you do I already feel behind in the process.” 

Draco sticks his tongue out at her and says, “you should think about it then, you have the time. I was going to get it done over the Christmas hols, so you only have to be ready by then.”

“Alright, good, so I have a few months,” Pansy laughs, grabbing her textbook and pulling it back to rest in front of her while she glances over Draco’s shoulder. “Also, just so you know, Harry has been looking over here the entire time that we’ve been working on our essays, and now that we seem to be having a nice, serious conversation, he’s on his way over.”

“Are you fucking serious,” Draco grumbles, quickly moving back to where he was seated originally and opening his Defense textbook back to the page he was on, his quill having been marking the page and making it easy to find. 

“Pansy,” Harry greets, tilting his head in her direction as he stops next to the table a few moments later, his hands folded in front of him. Pansy hums out a greeting as Draco refuses to look up from his book, the words blurring together on the page with how hard he’s staring. “Draco, I was actually wondering if I could have a word? There’s uh-I have a question about the Potion’s essay,” Harry questions, his knuckles turning white from how tightly his hands are folded. 

“No,” Draco replies simply, finally looking up from his book to look beyond where Harry is standing and at the table that he just came from, his friends staring at his back, “I told you that I didn’t want to talk to you outside of class and I meant it. Why don’t you ask Granger, who was sitting at the table you just came from, and is just as excellent as I am at Potions, for help.” 

Pansy shakes her head, still immersed in her reading for Care, as Harry replies, “I figured since we were partners it might be best if we worked on it uh together.”

Draco frowns at the other man, still not understanding why he seems so insistent on trying to be friendly, before he responds, “I already finished it, Potter, mostly because I’m not going to give Slughorn a reason to fail me.”

“Oh…” Harry’s at a loss, not having had another excuse to come over and talk to Draco, “that’s good then, that you’re done. I uh-I hope you have a good day.” Harry’s face flushes, because he didn’t mean to say that, so he turns around, rushing back to his friends and, as Draco watches, he drops his head on the table in a mimicry of what Draco had done earlier. 

Pansy snorts, causing Draco to look away from Potter and at her instead. “I am starting to think that Boy Wonder over there has a crush that he doesn’t know how to deal with,” she says, laughing slightly as she glances over at the Gryffindors and watches Hermione place what looks like a consoling hand on her friend’s shoulder.

Draco nearly chokes on his tongue because he’s laughing so hard and, after Madam Pince comes over and asks them -in no uncertain terms- to leave her library at once, he responds to Pansy’s insane statement. “If Harry Potter is bent I’ll eat my hat, and if he has a crush as you say then I’ll kiss the nearest toad,” he says as they pass through the library doors and into the corridor. 

“Well it’s a good thing that you don’t wear hats,” Pansy says with a smirk, “and also that the only toad we know of in the castle is Longbottom’s.”

“I think you’ve finally cracked,” Draco shakes his head as they head out of the castle and toward their tree, both of them needing to finish their homework even if they can’t do it in the castle. 

“We’ll see about that,” Pansy says, trying to sound all knowing but only managing to make herself giggle, “you know that I’m telling the truth though, _you know_.”

\-------------

It’s been months of simultaneously keeping his nose clean and to the grindstone and Draco is beginning to think that maybe what Pansy insisted on back in September is true, that maybe Potter is under the illusion that he’s dealing with some type of _crush_ on Draco. The only reason that he’s even dwelling on the fact that Pansy could be correct is because he’s started noticing Potter popping up everywhere, in fact he’s pretty sure that he caught him hiding in one of the too many Christmas trees that have begun to be scattered around the castle. 

“I swear Pansy, he was literally hiding _in_ the tree. There was tinsel in his hair! Who the hell hides in a _tree_?” Draco rants, pulling his winter robe tighter around him and leaning back against the wall of the Astronomy Tower, he and Pansy standing outside of the castle and sharing a cigarette in the cold snow. 

“Are you going to start believing me now? I know what it looks like when someone is crushing and he has all the signs,” Pansy says, taking a drag and letting the smoke drift from her mouth, mixing with the cloud of condensation that escapes along with it, the air around them freezing even if their robes are enchanted with a heating charm and are managing to keep them warm. 

“I’m starting to believe you, but _only_ because I’d rather believe _that_ than to think Potter is stalking me because he still thinks I’m evil,” Draco finally admits, taking one last drag on the cigarette before snuffing it out against the stone wall, the two of them having burned it down to the filter. 

“Ya know, you have all the signs too,” Pansy says slyly, causing Draco to cough as he accidentally swallows the smoke that he just inhaled. 

“And who do you think I’m mooning over?” he questions loudly, his voice rough from the smoke.

“That Hufflepuff bloke, whatshisname, Smith-Zacharias Smith,” Pansy answers, watching Draco’s cheeks color and letting out a whoop of celebration. “I knew it! I knew you were spending more time than you needed to with him! Even you aren’t so awful at Charms that you need three hours of tutoring every other day,” she continues, doing a happy dance so ridiculous that Draco can’t help but laugh at her and shake his head. 

“Alright yes, Zacharias and I have been...dancing around each other? I mean, he’s always holding my wrist and hips because I’m ‘standing wrong’ or whatever which is apparently important to Charms work but I just...I can’t be sure that he actually like me, ya know?” he says, letting out a heavy breath because it feels good to get the uncertainty off his chest, leaving him with the feeling of relief that confiding in Pansy always evokes. 

“A Hufflepuff though? Really?” Pansy teases, grabbing Draco’s hand and tugging him back toward the castle, the snow starting to fall around them as they walk. “And Draco, if he didn’t like you I’m pretty positive that he wouldn’t want to spend so much time _tutoring_ you. Also, you know as well as I do that Charms work has _nothing_ to do with the hips,” she continues in a more serious tone as they reach the steps up to the main doors of Hogwarts.

“He’s nice and smart, and that’s really all that matters to me now. I’ve grown out of that house thing...and also that ‘acting straight’ thing,” Draco says, starting out serious and ending with a loud laugh. 

Pansy pushes open the door and drops Draco’s hand in favor of waving her wand over the both of them and dropping the heating charms, not needing them in the spell warmed corridors of the school. They are walking toward the kitchens when she giggles quietly to herself and says, “oh, when Harry finds out about you and Zacharias he’s going to lose his mind.”

“You’re not to tell Potter, in fact we’re not telling anyone because there is absolutely nothing to tell,” Draco says, glaring over at Pansy.

She shrugs and says, “you know I don’t need to tell Harry, he stares at you enough that he’s going to figure it out on his own, it’s just a matter of time,” just as they reach the portrait that the entrance to the kitchens, letting Draco tickle the pear this time. 

They step into the kitchens, Draco letting Pansy go first and nearly running into her back when she stops just inside the entrance at the sight before her, leaving him half in the hallway. “Oh, _Merlin_ , so sorry we’ll just-we’ll just go!” she nearly yells as she backs her and Draco out of the kitchens, Draco catching a glimpse of the activity in the kitchens and gasping in shock. 

“Was that-was that _Granger_ with _Weasley_? _Girl Weasley_?” he questions, his brains still not believing what his eyes saw.

Pansy doesn’t answer instead grabbing his hand and nearly sprinting to the Slytherin common room, dragging him behind and not slowing until they’re safely tucked into the sofa in front of the fireplace. “Yes, yes that was Granger with girl Weasley, and my whole life has been turned on it’s axis,” Pansy finally responds, her voice strained as she tries to catch her breath, not used to running through the halls of Hogwarts. 

“...does this mean that you could actually have a chance with Granger? Does this mean that she’s not actually with Weasley or did we just see her cheating on him? Why did you make us leave! We could have asked them ourselves!” Draco complains in a hushed tone, looking around to make sure that no one else is listening to them in case they did indeed see something that they shouldn’t have. 

“I don’t know,” Pansy says, her voice thin, “I’m just sitting here with the memory of Granger with her head _between Weasley’s legs_ playing in my head on a loop. I don’t know if I’m more turned on or jealous.”

Draco laughs at the glazed look in her eyes as he sinks back into the black leather of the common room couch. “Well well, looks like the Gryffindors have a plethora of their own secrets,” he says, gazing at the in front of them and managing not to groan in discomfort when Pansy drops into his side, not bothering to be gentle about it. 

“Don’t think this means I’ve forgotten about Zacharias I’m just…I’m taking a hiatus from harassing you about him because I think my brain has died,” she says, covering her face with her hands and letting out a shaky breath. 

“Thank Merlin for small favors,” Draco murmurs to himself as Pansy slowly begins to collect herself. 

————

Over the next few days Pansy and Draco do a pretty spectacular job avoiding Granger and _both_ of the Weasleys which is made exponentially easier by the fact that Draco was already avoiding Potter and so had pretty much memorized their schedules. “I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” Draco complains as Pansy pulls him into a shadowed alcove to avoid being seen by the girl Weasley, the only one of the group’s schedules that Draco didn’t have a good grasp on yet. 

“If you get me caught I’ll slit your throat myself,” Pansy says lowly against his ear as the redhead ambles by, not noticing the Slytherins in the slightest. 

Draco holds his breath and waits for Ginny to turn the corner before he practically falls out of the alcove, the two of them not being able to hide together in one like they had been when they were children. “Alcoves are no longer hiding spaces,” he insists as Pansy steps out of the shadows, “we’re no longer small enough to both fit comfortably. And anyway, Christmas break starts Friday so we only have…three days left of avoiding everyone. We can do this.”

They can’t do it. Or at least Draco, with his pretty decent ability to avoid being found, can’t avoid being found by Potter. Particularly two days later, right after Zacharias has finally gotten the nerve to kiss him, the two of them in the abandoned classroom that they had been using as a Charms tutoring room, with Draco pressed against the cold stone of the wall. Draco’s hands are just winding in Zacharias short hair when there’s a crash at the classroom door, Potter falling through the previously closed door and onto the dusty floor. 

“Hiya Harry,” Zacharias says nonchalantly after he turns his head to see what the noise was, relaxing when he sees the Gryffindor on the floor.

Draco on the other hand tenses, both of his hands dropping to his side as he snarks, “Potter, always seem to be sneaking around.” 

Harry’s scrambling to his feet, his face a mix of embarrassment and pain as he says, “I’m sorry I just-sorry.” That’s the only thing he says before he’s leaving the room, the door swinging shut behind him and Draco letting out a heavy sigh. 

“Well, that was a mood killer,” Zacharias jokes before he turns back to Draco with a shrug, “but I’m really glad that I finally kissed you.”

“It was,” Draco agrees with a frown on his face as he makes a mental note to tell Pansy about Potter literally _falling into his first kiss_. “And I’m really glad that you kissed me too, I’ve pretty much wanted to kiss you since you started tutoring me,” he says honestly, lifting his arm from his side and letting his hand curl around the back of Zacharias’ neck, just resting there. 

“Maybe not too much of a mood killer,” Zacharias corrects, letting his gaze drop to look at Draco’s mouth, licking his own lips slightly. 

Draco hums in agreement, a smile tugging at the edges of his mouth before he tilts his head down slightly, kissing the other man and allowing himself to be kissed. Zacharias’ hands are pressed against the wall on either side of Draco’s shoulders as he deepens the kiss, Draco sliding a hand back into Zacharias’ hair, tugging at the roots. “Okay,” he says as he breaks the kiss, his heart beating loud in his ears, “we’ll have to continue this after Christmas hols because I promised Pansy that I’d be back in the common room early tonight.”

“I don’t have to go home,” Zacharias says suddenly, “I could owl my family tonight and tell them I won’t be home for Christmas?”

Draco rolls his eyes with a small smile, “Zacharias, don’t be stupid, go home and be with your family for the hols, I’ll be here when you get back and then we can… _talk_.”

“Yeah?” Zacharias says with a matching smile, pulling away from Draco slightly, giving him enough room to step away from the wall. 

Draco nods his head as he says, “yes, absolutely,” stepping away from the wall but only to keep his chest pressed against the other man’s. “Now I really do need to go,” he continues even as he ducks his head to press another kiss to the other man’s lips. 

“I do need to finish packing,” Zacharias says against his mouth as he settles his hands on Draco’s hips, squeezing slightly and drawing the lightest of moans from his mouth as he ends the kiss. 

“Go then, I’ll tidy up here,” Draco insists, finally breaking away from him completely and crossing his arms over his chest, cheeks flushed and unable to stop smiling. 

“Thanks, Draco,” Zacharias says, smiling back brightly as he backs toward the door, “I’ll owl you while I’m gone.”

“I look forward to it,” Draco says loudly as Zacharias exits the room, the door shutting with a _click_ behind him. 

Draco can’t stop smiling, and he feels ridiculous because of it while he straightens the tables and chairs back into the rows they were in when the two of them first entered the classroom. He’s just erasing the chalkboard when he hears the door open behind him. “Back so…” he trails off as he turns around, seeing Potter standing in the doorway, backlit by the torches in the hallway. “Haven’t stuck your nose in enough places where you’re not wanted today?” Draco snaps, pocketing his wand and glaring at the Gryffindor. 

“I-” Harry starts before cutting himself off, a strange look on his face, “I don’t want you near Zacharias.”

“Hah!” Draco forces out a broken laugh, “Golden Boy worried about a member of his precious Defense club? I’ll have you know that _he_ made the first move because, believe it or not, some people don’t care that I’m Death Eater scum.”

“That’s-that’s not what I’m-look alright, Zacharias is...no good,” Harry forces out which causes Draco to physically jerk back, not believing for a second that he’s more concerned for him than he is for Zacharias. 

Draco shakes his head, laughing as he looks around the classroom, pleased with the tidiness. “So you’re going to pretend that you’re more concerned for me than for your friend? Not likely, Potter,” he says as he grabs his robe from where it’s folded on the desk closest to the door, draping it over his back and buttoning it without placing his arms through the sleeves. “Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get back to-” Draco is cut off by Harry leaning in and kissing him hard, the Gryffindor’s hands gripping the front of his robes tightly. 

Harry pulls back quickly, as if he’s been burned, and backs completely out of the doorway, his hands dropping from Draco’s robe. “I don’t want you near Zacharias,” he repeats, his face bright red as he makes eye contact with Draco, keeping it steady.

“Stay the _hell_ away from me,” Draco growls, shouldering his way past Harry and wiping his mouth with his hand, shocked as he begins to make his way back to the Slytherin common room, not needing to turn to look at Harry to know that he’s staring after him. 

\----

“Wait, wait, _what_?” Pansy nearly shrieks, leaving Draco happy that they’re the only two in the common room. “Zacharias finally grew a pair and kissed you, Harry stumbled in, and then after Zacharias left _he_ kissed you? Who knew Harry had a pair,” she says, her tone more controlled as her eyes widen. 

“Zacharias kissed me, Potter _accosted_ me! After he told me, in no uncertain terms, that he wanted me to stay away from Zacharias. Who died and made him the King?” Draco snaps, sinking further into the leather armchair that he’s seated in, the warmth from the fire washing over him in waves. 

“Uh...the Dark Lord,” Pansy replies with a laugh from where she’s seated on the end of the leather couch closest to him, “and anyway, that’s not the _point,_ the point _is_ that I was right!”

“That’s not the point either, Pansy! The _point_ is that I was accosted by Potter in an empty classroom! What the hell gives him the right to _kiss me_?” Draco says, his own voice rising in volume as he becomes more frustrated. 

Pansy frowns, tucking her feet under her butt as she says, “alright, so I’m sorry that Harry did that, but is it really surprising?” 

“Yes! It’s insane, I had no idea that he wanted to-to do _that_! Potter’s not supposed to do things like kiss ex-Death Eaters in abandoned classrooms, he’s not even supposed to want to do things like that!” he complains, his voice losing volume as he continues, not wanting to be heard but still needing to say it, “he’s not supposed to kiss me better than Zacharias did.”

“So _that’s_ what this is about then, you liked Harry’s kiss better than Zacharias’ and now you’re confused,” Pansy says, finally understanding why Draco is so frustrated. 

“I’m not confused, Potter is still an arse and Zacharias is still amazing, but...but Zacharias’ kissing leaves a little something to be desired, and Potter’s left me-left me wanting…” Draco trails off, his cheeks heating up as he realizes that he had more of a bodily reaction toward Harry’s thirty second kiss than he did to making out against a wall with Zacharias.

“Well, look at the bright side, at least they’re both going to be gone over the hols and we’re going to get our tattoos over the break, both things that are very good for the both of us,” Pansy reminds as Draco sinks deeper into the armchair and covers his face. “Now,” Pansy changes the subject, her tone causing Draco to uncover his face and look over at her, “let’s talk about this not I received via owl from the girl Weasley.”

Draco perks up, his eyes shining. “Are you serious? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?” he asks, a smirk dancing at the corners of his mouth. 

“I wish I was kidding,” Pansy says seriously, reaching into the pocket of her pajama pants and pulling out a scrap of parchment, handing it over to Draco.

He clears his throat and reads from the note aloud, “‘ _Parkinson if you tell anyone of what you saw I will hex you into next year. Ginny_ ’. Well that’s a very touching warning, also it shows that neither of them noticed me standing behind you, which I would suppose is good because they would both probably think I was a pervert.”

“You are a pervert,” Pansy points out, “you just aren’t a pervert about girls and their parts.”

“Yes alright, that’s true,” Draco agrees, “now how about we both go to bed and try to forget that Gryffindors exist, hmm?” 

Pansy nods her head emphatically and grabs the scrap of parchment from Draco, tossing it in the fire after they both stand up from their seats. “That sounds like a wonderful idea, and by the time we go down for breakfast tomorrow they shouldn’t even be in the castle. It will be like we dreamed them out of existence,” she says as they walk together up the steps toward the dorms, the hallway branching off in different directions-one toward the boys and the other toward the girls. They hug and wish each other goodnight, Draco unaware that while he’s sleeping he’ll be doing nearly the opposite of dreaming the Gryffindors out of existence, one of them in particular. 

\-------

It’s nearly a week later, only a few days before Christmas, when Draco and Pansy manage to convince Headmistress McGonagall to let them go down to Muggle London for the day, promising that they’ll be back before dinner is served in the Great Hall. They make plans for the next day, Pansy and Draco sneaking into the Hospital Wing that night to smuggle out some healing salve because after they’ve cleared their trip with McGonagall and are leaving the Headmistresses office Pansy says, “I’ll get it done the Muggle way, but I’m not going to have it heal the Muggle way-that will take much too long.”

Draco doesn’t want to argue with her logic, which is how he finds himself hiding jars of healing salve in his bedside table and hoping upon hope that Pomfrey doesn’t notice them missing before he can mix up a replacement batch. 

“So, finally decided what you’re going to get then?” Draco asks as they leave the castle the next day after breakfast, looking oddly underdressed in simple clothes that could be Muggle if not for the ever-soft and stay warm charms woven into the fabric.

Pansy nods and buries her hands deeper into her coat pockets, suddenly missing the enveloping warmth of her winter robes, as she says, “yeah, uh, I’m thinking about getting a black panther on my side.”

“Going big, huh?” Draco teases as they exit Hogwarts grounds and begin the trek into Hogsmeade, having decided to make their way to the communal floo station to floo into the Leaky Cauldron, leaving them in the center of London. 

“I figure why not, right?” Pansy laughs as she hooks her arm through Draco’s, both annoyed at the cold and enjoying the gentle bite of the cold wind against her cheeks as they step out of the pub and into the loud Muggle London streets. 

Draco’s uncomfortable, and he doesn’t mean to be but he’s not used to being around so many Muggles at once so he hunches his shoulders, making himself as small as possible as he leans into Pansy’s shoulder. “There’s so many people,” he says under his breath, trying to avoid sounding as anxious as he feels.

“We’re good,” Pansy says, letting Draco use her as a crutch for a few moments before she asks, “so where are we going exactly?”

“Right,” Draco says, snapping out of his anxious headspace when he suddenly realizes that they’re in the middle of Muggle London and that having a breakdown probably would be awful, “we’re going to this place that’s not too far from here, it’s called Ink Pot or something of the sort-you’d not believe the strange words that these Muggles use to name shops.”

Pansy laughs as they walk slowly through the cold, dodging in and out of the busy Londoners bustling around them. “Oh believe me, I’ve seen some weird names in our own side of the world, babe,” she says, bumping her hip against Draco’s.

“That’s the place,” he says after a few minutes of walking, pointing with his free hand at a small, tucked away shop with neon lights flashing in the windows. 

“It looks...properly sketchy for a tattoo parlor, I must admit,” Pansy says as they stand out in front and look up at the sign. 

Draco laughs, “you say that as if you’re surprised!”

“Well Draco,” she starts, lifting her nose in the air in a pretty decent imitation of him when he was younger, “you are the spoiled type, I almost expected gold gilded doors.”

Draco rolls his eyes, “you know I haven’t been that way since the end of fifth year.”

“I know, but ickle stuck up baby Draco has always been a favorite memory of mine,” Pansy admits as she draws her arm from Draco’s and crosses her arms across her chest, her heart beating quickly from nerves. 

Draco snorts in amusement and says, “well stuck up baby Pansy was a nightmare,” before he lets out a deep breath and finally puts a hand on the door to the tattoo shop, pushing it open and starting in surprise when the bell over the door chimes.

“That is true,” Pansy agrees as she follows behind him, the inside of the shop darkly lit and decorated floor to ceiling in tattoo art and, laughably, half naked women. “I think the artists and I have more in common than they’ll suspect,” she laughs as she notices a poster on the wall that she actually has tucked into her own trunk. 

“And you say I’m a pervert,” Draco whispers as a heavily tattooed man walks out of the back room, presumably because he heard the bell ring as the two of them walked in. 

“Wha’ can I do for ya today?” he asks in a surprisingly soft voice, walking around them to get to the desk and dropping into the office chair behind it a sigh. 

Draco opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out so Pansy takes over. “We’d both like tattoos, please,” she says, leaning her elbows on the counter as Draco stands behind her with his hands in his jacket pockets. 

The man sitting behind the counter laughs, “obviously, love, I meant what kind? Matching couple? Marriage?”

Draco can’t stop himself from laughing out loud as well, “we’re no couple, mate, and people actually get marriage tattoos?” He can’t help but question it because in the old days Pureblood wizard families would actually have a visible marriage bond somewhere on their bodies, his grandparents had matching marks, and he’s shocked that Muggles would begin using that as their own form of tradition.

“My mistake,” the artist says with a short nod of his head. 

“I’d like a black panther, on my side, and I’d like it to look like it’s prowling?” Pansy says, her voice lilting up toward the end and making it sound like a question even though it’s not. 

“You’ve come to the right place at the right time then, I’m pretty much the only one in this dingy shop that can do realistic animals. Wha’ ‘bout you, lad?”

“I want a tattoo for my mum, flowers ‘round my right wrist,” Draco answers, pushing up the right sleeve of his jacket when the man behind the desk asks to see how much canvas there is available, and Draco’s not sure he’s ever heard skin be referred to as canvas so he’s a little thrown. 

“Well you have pretty decent sized wrists, so we’ll definitely be able to do a bracelet of sorts. D’you know what kind of flowers or…” he trails off as he lets Draco pull his hand back to his side of the counter. 

Draco nods and says, “Narcissus flowers, they’re uh yellow and I should have brought a picture.” He shakes his head at himself as the tattoo guy turns toward a strange box sitting on his desk and does something to it, causing it to light up. 

“‘s’all right, I’ll use the internet to find a picture,” he says, leaving Draco and Pansy confused but nodding their heads as if they understand, “all I need to know is how to spell it.” Draco spells the name of the plant out for him and is confused as he presses some buttons and then suddenly there’s a picture of the flowers, and the picture is one hundred times better than the one from his old Potions text. 

“That’s-that’s a lot better than the picture I had anyway,” Draco says, trying to cover his confusion with praise, vowing to figure out what that Muggle did to get that picture on that weird box. “And it’s exactly what I want,” he continues, leaning on the counter next to Pansy to get a closer look at the picture. 

The man behind the desk nods and says, “excellent, well Beth will be in in a few minutes and she’s pretty excellent at nature things so I’ll have her draw it up for you. I’ll get started drawing up that panther now, so if you two want to sit and look through the portfolios we have sitting out there you can. It’s best if you stay close until Beth gets here because she’ll want to see your wrist too.” 

“Wonderful,” Pansy says with a grin, grabbing Draco’s arm, “we’ll be over here then.”

\-------------

“I don’t know why in Merlin’s saggy y-fronts I believed you when you said this would be fun,” Pansy says nearly eight hours later as they walk out of the tattoo parlor, her side numb for now but promising a burning pain in the future if she doesn’t get the healing salve she and Draco nicked from the Hospital Wing on it soon. “I mean it’s not like you’ve never steered me wrong before,” she whines as she hunches over, trying to keep her side as still as possible as she and Draco walk. 

“I didn’t think it would hurt so badly,” he admits, cradling his wrist to his chest as he looks over at Pansy apologetically.

“I should have gotten something smaller,” she complains, her back aching from having been laying on a badly cushioned table for the better part of the day.

Draco carefully bumps her hip with his, making sure to hit the non-tattooed side, as he says, “but I mean, it looks amazing.”

Pansy thinks of the fresh tattoo hiding under her coat and blouse as well as a thin layer of plastic wrap and what the tattoo artist said was medical tape. “Okay, you’re right,” she sighs, a faint smile on her lips as she continues, “yours looks amazing too, I’m sure Narcissa will appreciate the sentiment.” 

“She’s going to hate it,” Draco laughs, “she’s always told me that she thinks marking one’s body with ink is barbaric, that’s part of the reason she _never_ agreed to the Mark.”

“Speaking of,” Pansy starts, “I never thought I’d hear someone think that the Mark looked cool, so I can’t believe your artist-Beth, right?-thought it was, in her words, ‘amazing as fuck’. Muggles are a very strange breed.” 

“If she knew what it was for she wouldn’t think it was so cool,” Draco mumbles as they near the Leaky, his shoulders tensing up as he thinks about going back into their world after having spent a whole day in Muggle London and not getting so much as glanced at, let alone heckled like he does walking through Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. 

“True,” Pansy agrees, reaching over to grab Draco’s non-tattooed arm and hooking her arm through it, tugging him along as he tries to slow his steps, “I need that healing salve like, now,” she whines, pouting at him as he tries not to laugh. 

“It’s a good thing you never ended up getting the Mark,” Draco says lightly as the step carefully into the Leaky Cauldron, “because, lovely man that he was, the ol’ Dark Lord made us suffer for days with the pain of the Mark, and if we tried to heal it with magic or salves it would burn for longer, it was enough that I saw some try to cut their arms off just to get the pain to stop.”

“That’s...unsettling,” Pansy says with a grimace, “I’m suddenly glad that he was a mysoginistic arsehole and that the Marks were only optional for us women.”

“Bet that’s another thing you never thought you’d be thankful for,” Draco laughs as he reach the fireplace, Pansy grabbing a handful of the floo powder and dropping Draco’s arm to grab the pot, holding it out for him to grab a handful as well. 

Draco lets Pansy go first, waving his hand toward the fire as she says, “very true.” She tosses her handful of floo powder into the fireplace and says the floo address for the communal floo station in Hogsmeade, making a face at Draco before disappears into the green flames. 

He’s only seconds behind her, in fact her nearly lands on top of her when he falls out of the fireplace none too gracefully. “Sorry, shit,” he says as he rights himself, having barely managed to avoid grabbing her around the waist as he remembers the fresh tattoo. 

“‘s’all right,” Pansy says around a small smile as she dusts off her clothes, carefully brushing over her sore side and grimacing when she realizes that it’s slowly becoming more sensitive, the numbness from the constant needle scraping finally beginning to wear off. “Now hurry along, my side is now officially on fire, mate,” she continues as she tugs at the hem of her coat, making sure that she’s completely covered from the waist up as she sees that Draco’s coat has ridden up in the back. 

“Coming, _darling_ ,” Draco says, tugging his own shirt down as he follows behind Pansy, their footsteps loud in the almost abandoned looking Hogsmeade as they make their way back up to Hogwarts, the only sound the crunching of snow underfoot.

Pansy and Draco knock shoulders as they walk up the path to the Hogwarts gate, enjoying the silence and snow falling around them as they both reach up to touch the gate with their wands, the wards allowing them to pass onto school grounds unencumbered when they sense that the two of them are still students. “At least we’re in time for dinner,” Pansy says as they walk past Hagrid’s hut, nodding to the giant man while he tends to the Christmas tree he’s keeping where his pumpkin patch usually grows.

“True, McGoogles can’t be mad at us for this at least,” Draco says with a chuckle as they reach the large entry doors. “Plus, I’m starving. Who knew that getting a tattoo would make me so hungry,” he continues, Pansy nodding quickly in agreement. 

“I’m so starved!” she says as they walk through the entrance hall and toward the Great Hall, her stomach making a timely grumble. They sit together at the end of the single long table situated in the middle of the Great Hall, the Headmistress and the few other teachers that stayed behind for the holiday break taking up the middle seats while the students are spread around on either side of them. 

They rush through dinner, not bothering to stay until the dessert course appears before they leave, both of their new tattoos burning and their stomachs almost uncomfortably full as they descend the stairs to the dungeons and toward the Slytherin common room. “D’you wanna stay here while I grab the salve or…?” Draco asks unnecessarily as Pansy takes the stairs toward the dorm rooms, turning toward the boy’s dorms when she reaches the fork in the hallway, Draco barely managing to keep up. “I’m taking that as a no then?” he asks, slightly out of breath as he finally manages to catch up with Pansy just outside of his dorm room. 

“Of course not, and I’m staying in here with you until the break is over because I hate sleeping in an empty dorm and I know you do too,” she says as she waits for Draco to open the door, stepping inside as he motions for her to go ahead. 

Draco sighs as he closes the door behind him and follows Pansy toward his bed, removing the wards from his bedside table so that she can open the top drawer and grab the healing salve. “If you put this on for me I will owe you forever,” she says, tossing the jar to him without waiting for him to agree. 

“Thank you for just assuming that I want to touch your vaguely clothed body,” Draco laughs as Pansy tugs her shirt over her head, having shed her jacket and tossed it onto his bed as she walked into the dorm. 

“Who doesn’t?” she says back as she drops her shirt onto his bed as well, on top of her jacket. 

“Me, along with every bent wizard in this castle,” Draco teases back, uncapping the jar and scraping a few fingers of the salve up into his hand, rubbing his hands together to warm it up before he presses them gently against Pansy’s side, causing her to let out a long hiss of pain. “Sorry, sorry,” he mumbles as he makes sure that the salve is rubbed in completely.

“I hate you,” Pansy groans as she drops back onto his bed, not bothering to move her jacket and shirt before she does so she lands on them as the healing salve begins to work. “But good Merlin, that salve is my new favorite thing,” she continues, her side tingling as it heals quickly. 

“You don’t hate me,” Draco laughs as he scrapes up a bit of the salve and slathers it onto his right wrist, letting it soak in as he twists the lid back onto the jar and places it down on his bedside table, not bothering to put it in the drawer as they’re the only two upper year Slytherins in the castle. He drops down onto his bed next to Pansy and lets out a sigh, “thank you for coming with me.”

“Duh,” Pansy says, tilting her head to look over at her best mate, “the next tattoo you get better be pansies though.”

“Next time there’s a wizarding war and you manage to save the hero I will absolutely get pansies tattooed somewhere on my skin,” he teases with a laugh.

“That’s what I like to hear,” she says, satisfied at his answer as they both break into giggles. 

\------------

After their day as Muggles the rest of their break seems to fly by, Christmas, Boxing Day and New Years passing with little incident as they finish the homework that the professors assigned over break, as well as any extra credit that they managed to wrangle from the willing ones. It’s mere hours before the train stations in Hogsmeade, bringing with it both of the men that kissed him the night before they left and thus leaving him anxiously sitting up in front of the fire in the common room, looking out through the windows into the abyss of the Great Lake. 

“Draco? What are you doing up already?” Pansy asks through a yawn as she stumbles down the stairs into the common room, her hair and clothes messy with sleep.

“Already? Oh uh…” Draco hesitates, looking over at Pansy before he decides to answer truthfully, “I haven’t yet slept, actually.”

She shakes her head and drops heavily down onto the couch next to him, her head tilting to rest on his shoulder as she lets her eyes droop closed. “You need sleep, sleep is a good thing,” she says, yawning again and rubbing her leaking eyes on his sleep shirt because her arms feel too heavy to do the job themselves. 

Draco shrugs with the shoulder Pansy’s not leaning on and replies quietly, “I can’t sleep. I don’t know how I should act toward Zacharias when I see him, or Potter because as much as I’m going to try to avoid him he’ll find me sooner rather than later. And do I tell Zacharias that right after he kissed me Potter came in, warned me away from him, and then kissed me better than Zacharias was even close to? Or do I not say anything but feel guilty every time I think about it?”

“Don’t tell ‘im, but don’t not tell ‘im either. Just like…avoid both of ‘em and they’ll disappear,” Pansy mumbles nonsensically as she presses closer to Draco, forcing him to lift his arm to wrap around her shoulders so that they’re both comfortable, her head dropping to rest against his chest. 

“Sound advice, Pans,” he mumbles back as he feels her breathing even out, knowing that she’s just fallen back to sleep on him and that she most likely won’t remember their conversation when she wakes up again, his own eyes finally heavy as he relaxes back into his role as pillow.

The next time Draco opens his eyes he’s got a yet spot on the front of his shirt and Pansy is cursing as she wipes at her chin. “Why the hell did you let me drool?” she whines, frowning at him as he tries to remember when he fell asleep. 

“I control neither your mouth nor the things that come out of it,” Draco answers, stifling a yawn behind his hand and wrinkling his nose at his own breath, touching his wand and casting a near wandless Fresh Breath charm before he continues, asking, “what time is it?

“It’s nearly ten,” Pansy answers, having cast the same charm on herself minutes before Draco woke up, “meaning the train will be here in two hours, and that we need to eat breakfast before then.” 

Draco blinks, not remembering a time where he slept past nine o’clock in the past two year at least, and yawns again. “Alright, so we’ll get dressed and meet back down here in ten?” he asks, standing up without waiting for Pansy to respond, hearing her get up from the couch as he makes his way toward the stairs. 

By the time he’s changed his shirt three different times and then finally settled on his uniform shirt, because he realizes that he doesn’t want to seem like he’s trying too hard, Pansy’s waiting for him down in the common room, leaning against the wall next to the portrait. “Ready diva? Oh sorry, I mean, _Draco_ ,” Pansy asks, laughing as she watches him fold and unfold his sleeves as he walks toward her.

“Shut it, Pans,” he nearly whines, “I’m nervous, alright? I don’t know how I should act around _either_ of them!”

“Ignore, ignore, _ignore_ ,” Pansy says as she opens the portrait and steps into the hallway, Draco following her, “remember when I accidentally shagged Blaise? Act like I did.”

“...you mean cry in the bathroom and use a heavy disillusionment charm whenever I’m forced to be near them? I don’t think that will work,” Draco teases, Pansy’s cheeks warming with long forgotten embarrassment. She’s silent as they climb a set of stairs to exit the dungeons, Draco only continuing once they’re in the bright lights of the corridors, “did I ever tell you that I was jealous of you for doing that? Blaise was right fit, I had a crush on him for ages.”

“You didn’t need to tell me, your general refusal to help me hide from him was tell enough that you weren’t too pleased with me,” Pansy laughs as they reach the doors to the Great Hall. 

Draco doesn’t have time to respond before Pansy pushes open the doors and nudges him into the Great Hall before her, the two of them among the last to gather for lunch at the loud and crowded post-break house table. He’s about to pile his plate with roasted turkey when he feels a gentle hand squeeze his shoulder, causing him to look away from the food and at the man standing behind him. “Zacharias, hi,” he breathes out, his mouth turning up into a smile even as his brain is telling him to hide, “how was your break?” 

“It was good, it would have been better with you though,” the Hufflepuff says quietly, only loud enough for Pansy and Draco to hear over the dull roar of their schoolmates, his own smile bright. “D’you still need help with Charms? We could meet up tonight to go over the homework from break?” he continues in a normal tone, moving his hand from Draco’s shoulder to fold over his own chest, just as the Slytherin catches sight of Harry Potter walking into the Great Hall, causing his stomach to feel sick. 

“Actually, I’m good with it. I mean, Pansy and I worked on it over break together and I think I’ve finally gotten the hang of it,” Draco says, trying to sound light but noticing the guilt underlying his own voice, his fingers crossing in his lap that Zacharias can’t hear a difference. He didn’t actually mean to blow off Zacharias, but when he saw Potter all he could think about was him asking Draco to leave Zacharias alone and then kissing him, a kiss that still has Draco sitting up at night and thinking too hard about how nice their lips fit together. 

Zacharias tilts his head slightly, confused because last he knew Draco and he were going to try out the kissing while tutoring thing once he got back from his family. “Oh…” he mumbles, “well, I’m glad you’ve figured out Charms on your own.” Zacharias is not as good at hiding his emotions as Draco, the disappointment heavy in his voice and showing on his face as he turns on his heel and makes his way back over to the Hufflepuff table, where he left when he caught sight of Pansy and Draco enter the Great Hall. 

“That was harsh,” Pansy says as she tries to hide a smirk, reaching for the pitcher of water and pouring herself a goblet full while Draco finally gets roasted turkey on his plate, a frown on his face when he can’t find any dark meat left. 

“At least I didn’t ignore him,” he replies, stealing a slice of dark meat from Pansy’s plate and putting it on his own, “and I didn’t tell him that I _didn’t_ want to see him I just...implied it.”

“And in implying it you were very much an arse,” she announces with a glare as she smacks at his hand a second too late to do any good. 

Draco rolls his eyes as he says, as aloof as one can around a mouthful of turkey, “disillusionment charm, meet Pansy, I’m sure you’ve met _that_ glass castle before.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she snaps, stabbing at another piece of turkey from the platter in front of her and shoving it into her mouth, chewing obnoxiously in Draco’s direction as he grabs a buttered roll from the serving plate in front of him and shrugs at her.

“Never said I wasn’t ridiculous,” he says, not bothering to defend himself before he says, “I just don’t want to hear anything from _you-know-who_ about how I’m still fraternizing with Zacharias after I’ve been told not to. And I’ll be honest, given the choice between the two of them well, I’ll just say that I didn’t let _him_ follow me around in sixth year because he was actually _good_ at it.”

Pansy finishes the food on her plate and takes a sip of her water before she nods her head slowly. “I don’t know why I never noticed that you’ve been arse over tits for Harry since we got to Hogwarts,” she says, just enough under her breath that Draco’s the only one to hear her. 

Draco narrows his eyes at her as he finishes up his goblet of pumpkin juice and says, just as quietly, “tell anyone and I’ll find a way around the wards on the top of one of the towers and throw you off myself.”

“I can’t believe you reacted the way you did when he kissed you if you’ve been all-“ Pansy stops to wiggle her fingers “-about him since we were eleven!”

“Not since we were eleven,” Draco denies as they stand up from the table, both deciding to skip dessert so that they can take a short smoke break outside of the castle and continue talking. “Only since the Yule Ball our fourth year, he looked ridiculous in his robes and dancing with that girl but he was also like…charming? I don’t know, all I know is that I am disgusted with myself,” he continues once they are outside, both taking their wands from their pockets and charming themselves with heating charms as they make their way toward the far side of the castle. 

“You are one odd man,” Pansy says as she picks a pack of cigarettes from her pants pocket, shaking two out and handing one of them to Draco before she slides the packet back in her pocket. “I just can’t believe that you want Harry Potter’s babies, _exactly_ like every other witch and wizard in the world. I thought you were more original than that,” she teases as Draco waves his wand, lighting both of their cigarettes at once and causing him to huff out a stream of smoke in her direction. 

“I know,” he nearly whines, “I feel so… _average_! It’s upsetting, and annoying, and I hate that I’ve wanted him for years.” 

Pansy nods in understanding and leans against one the castle turrets, cigarette balancing carefully between her fingers as she says, “I know, love, boys suck.”

“Not nearly as much as they should,” Draco complains with a laugh, causing Pansy to laugh as well. “I’m kidding, I think boys are awful. All boys. Especially ones that saved the Wizarding World from certain doom by killing some maniacal dictator,” he says, mouth barely moving around his cigarette to keep it from falling to the ground. 

“Luckily I think there’s only one of them around here, but unluckily he’s done it more than once so I’m assuming that means he’s probably allowed to be twice as bad,” she says with another laugh as she takes a deep drag from the cigarette between her fingers, only barely managing to avoid choking on smoke. 

\----------

As Draco finds out over the next few weeks, Harry Potter does indeed feel entitled to being twice as bad as the normal wizard because it seems that every time he’s walking down the hall he’s never more than a meter away from the Boy Who Lived (To Bother Draco...apparently). Between trying to avoid Potter and trying to avoid Zacharias, he’s not entirely sure that he’ll make it through this last few months of his last year at Hogwarts entirely sane. “Pans, I helped you avoid the various Weasleys, the least you can do is...I don’t know, flash Potter anytime he gets too near or something!” Draco nearly pleads as they sit in the farthest corner of the library from the door, having for the moment, managed to shake both Harry and Zacharias from their tails. 

“I am not showing Harry my tits,” Pansy sighs, feeling sorry enough for her friend that she doesn’t get angry so much as amused, “and before you ask, no I will not flash Smith either.” Draco’s mouth snaps shut as he pouts. Pansy reaches over and pets the back of Draco’s hand with sympathy before she continues, “Anyway, there’s only a few months left of classes and then we never have to see either of them again.”

“Plus we have Easter break coming up soon...ish,” Draco says, trying to remind himself to think positively as he drops his head to the library table. 

Pansy bites her lip in an attempt to not remind him that that’s _months_ away before she glances over her shoulder and sees a flash of unruly black hair just beyond the tall bookshelves holding books on various magical creatures. “I’m gonna grab a book for my Creatures essay, do you need a book for anything?” she asks as she narrows her eyes in Harry’s direction, knowing that he hasn’t noticed her looking at him yet. 

“No, I’m fine,” Draco answers, his voice muffled as he resists lifting his head from the table, not wanting to do that much work yet. 

Pansy’s glad he doesn’t actually need a book because she has the feeling that she wouldn’t have remembered it anyway as she pushes away from the table and gets to her feet, making her way over to where Harry Potter is sitting, not bothering to look busy as he stares at Draco’s back. “I want to know why you won’t leave Draco alone,” she demands as she comes to a stop in front of him, crossing her arms and making sure to block his view. 

“Surely he told you that we kissed?” Harry says with an exasperated look, not bothering to try and look around her because he knows she’ll just shift into his line of sight again. 

“He told me that you tried to force him to stop talking to Smith and that you did that by kissing him without his consent,” Pansy says, glaring at the man in front of her. 

Harry rolls his eyes and says, “I did try to ask him to stop talking to Zacharias but I didn’t mean to kiss him. That was, believe it or not, completely unplanned. I’d apologize to him if he didn’t sprint like Voldemort was on his tail anytime I got near enough to speak to him.” 

“Maybe you should think before you act, Potter, because I do hate that my best mate can’t walk through this school without looking over his shoulder because he’s worried that you’ll be there, following him,” she says, her voice steady as she watches Harry frown.

“How’s this,” Harry starts, holding his hands in front of him in a placating manner, “you take me over there so that I can apologize to him and I swear on Dumbledore's grave that I’ll stop following him around the school like a lost kneazle.” 

Pansy glances over her shoulder at where she can just see Draco lifting his head from the table and starting to look over the books in front of him as she says, “fine. _But_ I’m going to go over there first to tell him what’s going to happen and you can come over when I wave you over.” With that Pansy walks away from Harry and back toward the table she’s sharing with Draco, not bothering to pretend that she couldn’t find a book that she wanted when she drops down into the seat across from Draco and says, “Harry’s on his way over here to talk to you, and I told him that I’m going to stay here while he does.”

Draco looks like he’s just been hit in the stomach with a bludger as he says, “I don’t want to talk to Potter!” his voice nearly doubled in pitch. 

“Just listen to him for like five minutes, if that,” Pansy says seriously, reaching across the table and squeezing his hand for a few seconds before bringing her hand back against her chest, crossing her arms slightly. “It won’t be bad, I promise,” she says as she catches Harry’s eye behind Draco’s back and nods him over, holding back a laugh when she sees him practically jump out of the seat with how quickly he stands up. 

“I hate you,” Draco hisses as Harry comes to a stop next to their table, his full attention on Draco as his cheeks flush slightly. 

“Draco,” Harry starts, causing Draco to cross his arms over his chest with a huff, “I wanted to apologize for kissing you like I did before Christmas hols, I shouldn’t have done that without asking you first.”

“Anything else?” Draco asks with a tilt of his head.

Harry hesitates, clearly unsure of what else he’s supposed to say. “Uh...no? I mean, that’s all I did, really…” he replies slowly.

“If you don’t know what else it is that you did then I don’t see why you’re bothering to apologize,” Draco complains, tightening his arms across his chest and glaring at Potter. 

Harry looks over at Pansy out of the corner of his eye, hoping above hope that she’ll give him a clue. She does, mouthing Smith’s name slowly so that Harry can read her lips, mostly because she’s sick of Draco whining about Harry and also having him stare at the two of them through every meal and every class that they share with the Gryffindor. “Oh uh, I’m also sorry that I tried to uh...control who you could hang out with?” Harry says finally, making it sound more like a question than anything else which only manages to annoy Draco more. 

“Was that a statement or a question, Potter? You don’t sound too sure of yourself,” he snaps, luckily for Pansy missing the exchange between the two of them as he’s too busy glaring at the man standing in front of him that’s now twisting his hands in front of him nervously. 

“Statement,” Harry replies, sounding a bit more sure of himself as he stuffs his hands into his robe pockets as opposed to having them move nervously in front of him, “I didn’t realize that me asking you to stay away from Zacharias was such a big deal to you.”

“Yes well,” Draco snaps, already dreading what he’s about to admit to as he secures his bookbag over his shoulder and gathers the books that don’t fit into his arms, standing up quickly, “I wouldn’t expect you to considering that you’re the type that thinks it’s perfectly fine to go about kissing men that have fancied you for ages just for a laugh!” After he says his bit he makes his escape, nearly tripping over his own feet as he high tails it out of the library, not even feeling a twinge of regret when he realizes that that he’s left Pansy behind with a more than likely shell shocked Potter. 

He makes his way safely to the Slytherin common room, luckily managing to completely avoid seeing anyone on the way there, which is for the best really because he can’t be sure that he wouldn’t end up crying all over them because he’s so embarrassed. By the time he’s snuck up to his dorm room and put his books and bookbag into his trunk he’s almost managed to convince himself that what just happened was in fact a dream and never happened at all. At least, he’s close until he makes his way back down to the common room and Pansy’s just stepping through the portrait, her eyes blazing and robes disheveled. 

“I can’t believe you left me back there!” she nearly shouts as she catches sight of him at the bottom of the stairs, her nostrils flaring as she stalks toward him. “You left me alone with a _Gryffindor_ that needed to _sort out his feelings_ , do you understand that?” she continues as she grabs hold of the front of his robes with her hand that’s not wrapped around the strap of her bag and gives him a good shake. 

“You do realize what I just did, don’t you?” Draco asks, his voice pitched high as he notices the rest of the common room pause around them, their eyes taking in every detail of Draco and Pansy’s apparent disagreement. 

Pansy drags Draco up the stairs and into her dorm room, not worried about the other women she shares it with coming up anytime soon. “I am _not_ your biggest fan right now, do you understand that? I just had to deal with Harry trying to give me the third degree on something that I only recently learned and I don’t _ever_ remember agreeing to be your Gryffindor go between when we became friends!” she says as she pushes him down to sit on her bed, going to her trunk and putting her bookbag inside before she sits next to him. 

“We were literally in diapers when we became friends, we didn’t agree to any terms,” Draco says lowly, not really wanting to hear about Potter any longer as he tries to change the subject. 

“You are going to find that weirdly excitable Gryffindor, and you are going to tell him all about _your_ feelings so that he can do the same because he very obviously wants to tell _someone_ and I’d really rather it not be me,” Pansy says, knowing what Draco’s trying to do and not letting him get away with it. 

Draco sighs and drops his head into his hands. “Fine, whatever, I’ll talk to him,” he says against his palms as he drops onto his back in Pansy’s bed. 

\-----------

It’s now June, only a few days before they journey on the Hogwarts express back to London and begin their actual adult lives, and Draco has managed to not only apologize to Zacharias about avoiding him after the break but to become friends with the forgiving man. One thing that Draco has not done however, is talk to Harry Potter about _anything_ , much to Pansy’s chagrin and despite her constant reminders of the fact that soon they’d be going their separate ways so even if it all blew up in his face it wouldn’t be completely awful. 

“I really wish you would stop being ridiculous and just talk to Harry,” Pansy says the morning that they’ll get their N.E.W.T.S results by owl, the both of them anxiously pushing their food around on their plates instead of eating as they don’t think they can stomach anything. 

“I know what you think. You think that if I tell him we’ll somehow, even though my father is currently sitting in Azkaban for mindlessly following his mortal enemy, end up together forever in some weird happily ever after situation. I can guarantee that all that would happen were I to say anything to him would be me yelling something ridiculous, him yelling back, and possibly someone getting punched. That’s it, that’s all that will happen,” Draco says, taking a sip of his pumpkin juice and glancing over at the Gryffindor table where Potter is tucking in to his own breakfast, seemingly not caring about the impending test results that will be flying into the Great Hall at any moment. 

Pansy rolls her eyes as she pushes a slice of bacon to the edge of her plate and says, “I just can’t see anything bad happening. Like, I honestly think that you and Harry would probably do great things together if either of you would just break this brick wall that the two of you have agreed on building between you. A brick wall that yes, might be the only thing that the two of you have ever agreed upon, but it doesn’t need to exist because the two of you are arse over tits for each other and if you would just get your shit together you’d realize that!” 

Draco’s about to say something back, that’s surely meant to be scathing, when there’s suddenly a flurry of activity above them, owls coming into the Great Hall in droves with parchment clutched in their talons. “ _Oh Merlin,_ ” he and Pansy groan together, the two of them clutching hands under the table as they wait for their results to land in front of them. 

“ _You go first_ ,” Pansy nearly whispers to him as two Ministry official tawny owls land in front of them, their beaks merely opening when they spot the bacon on the edge of Pansy’s plate as they’re too well trained to simply snatch it up. She loosens the death grip she has on his hand as she says, “ _now!_ ” her palms sweating too much for her to keep a good grip on Draco’s hand.

Draco’s own hands are shaking as he reaches with both of them toward the owl in front of him, nearly nicking himself on the edge of the parchment as he unties the bit of leather holding it to the owl’s leg. He clutches the roll of parchment in his hands and stares at it, his world narrowing down to that simple bit of parchment until the owl nibbles at his knuckles, expecting a treat. “Right, sorry,” Draco says to the bird as he shakes himself out of it and drops the results next to his plate before he snatches up the piece of bacon from Pansy’s plate, breaking it in half and giving half to his owl before he turns to the owl in front of Pansy’s and unties the parchment from its leg as well, giving it the other half of the bacon before the two owls fly off together. “Do I really have to go first?” he asks as he hands over Pansy’s test results before picking up his own roll of parchment again, his thumb going to rub over the official Ministry seal that’s in bright red wax.

“Yes,” she manages to croak out, her own fingers running over the roll of parchment that she’s set in her lap, not wanting to look at it as she watches Draco open his own roll of parchment carefully. 

He takes a deep breath before finally unrolling it, the sound of crackling paper heard around the Great Hall as other seventh years do the same, some shouts and sobs already breaking out among the Ravenclaw table. “Four Os and one A…. _Merlin_ ,” Draco chokes out, his eyes widening as he sees that the only test he got an A on is one that he wasn’t expecting to do well in anyway, Charms, and he’s beyond pleased that the rest are Os. 

“Shit, I should have gone first,” Pansy tries to joke, “you’ve set the bar too high now, mate, I don’t know if I can look and risk being an embarrassment.” 

“Pans,” Draco says, sounding gentle, even as a smirk creeps across his face, “you’re already an embarrassment so how much worse can it get?” 

“I don’t know, I could murder you, would that make me more embarrassing?” she says lightly, bringing her hands up from her lap and setting the roll of parchment with her results next to her own plate as she grabs her glass of water and takes a big sip. 

Draco laughs, feeling lighter than he has in days because he’s not worried about his N.E.W.T.S anymore. “It would only make you more embarrassing if you got caught, we are Slytherins after all,” he says, causing Pansy to laugh slightly and shake her head as she finally slips a finger under the edge of the parchment and breaks the seal, unraveling it even slower than Draco had. 

“Three As and two Os…I’ve done better than I thought I would! I expected a T for sure in Care,” Pansy nearly shrieks in excitement as she leans over and hugs Draco around the shoulders tightly, her nervous shaking receding in the slightest as he hugs her back with one arm around her waist. 

After that let down of stress the two of them dig into the breakfast that has been sitting in front of them for the past hour, suddenly starving. “I have enough N.E.W.T.S to get into Healer training,” Draco says conversationally around a mouthful of eggs, his stomach flipping excitedly as he realizes it for the first time. 

“You’re gonna make a killer Healer,” Pansy says as she’s picking up another slice of bacon from the platter in front of her, “I mean…you _know_ what I-” She’s cut off as Draco bursts into loud laughter, having finally swallowed the mouthful of breakfast that he had. “I don’t mean you’re going to kill people, I _mean_ that you’ll be amazing,” she continues as if Draco didn’t laugh, her eyes flashing toward him as she bites into the bacon in her hand. 

“I do know what you meant, and thank you,” Draco says, still chuckling as he catches sight of Zacharias getting up from the Hufflepuff table with his own parchment in hand, the other man making his way toward the Slytherin table and Draco with a wide grin on his face. “No need to ask how _you_ did then,” Draco says happily as Zacharias helps himself to the bit of bench that was open between Draco and a second year that’s sitting further down the table from he and Pansy. 

“I did as well as I expected, four As and two Os,” Zacharias answers, still smiling as Draco congratulates him. “I actually came over here to ask, d’you think that we could catch up sometime this summer? I don’t want to think that just when we’ve become friends again that we’re gonna be distant just because we’re not seeing each other every day,” he says as he grabs a piece of toast from the platter in front of Draco, missing the flash of guilt that crosses the other man’s face because, in truth, Draco was counting on that happening. 

By the time that Zacharias is looking at Draco again the Slytherin is smiling and nodding his head. “Of course, Zach,” he says, trying to keep the hesitancy from his voice as he knocks his shoulder against his ex-boyfriend’s. He sees, from the corner of his eye, Potter stomping away from the Gryffindor table and toward the double doors, anyone else would think that he didn’t like his N.E.W.T.S results but Draco catches the glare that’s on his face and directed at him, so he suspects that he’s angry because Draco’s all chummy with Zacharias again. Good, he thinks to himself as Zacharias starts talking about his summer plans, _that’s what he gets for not being brave enough to chat me up._

Pansy catches the exchange and laughs into her goblet of water, nodding along to Zacharias’ rambling and joining in when she has anything to say, feeling that whatever’s going to happen this summer is, in the very least, going to be interesting. 

\--------------------------------------

And it was, the first few weeks after their graduation ceremony, one filled with tears and memories, both good and bad, Pansy and Draco made a concerted effort to keep in touch with the people that they said they would. Draco goes to dinner a few times after with Zacharias, the two of the trying to stay on friendly terms even though it’s obvious that Zacharias still has feelings for Draco, feelings that Draco can’t return even though his life would be much easier if he did. 

“So, have you seen Potter lately?” Draco asks Pansy as they sit down for tea in a hide-away Muggle tea shop, Draco having been avoiding the Wizarding World as much as possible since his last days of Hogwarts. 

“If you didn’t boycott the Prophet you would know all about Harry, especially considering Skeeter still covers him like dragon pox on a child,” Pansy says lightly, smiling up at the waitress as she approaches their table, a notebook in her hands. 

“English Breakfast, please,” Draco asks, politely, a small smile on his face as he internally rolls his eyes at Pansy, knowing that she’s giving the woman a once over. 

Pansy shifts slightly in her seat, sitting up more straight and not-so-subtly adjusting her cleavage as she says, “I’ll have the same, love.” Draco rolls his eyes outwardly this time as the waitress blushes and stumbles back slightly while writing their orders down. 

“I’ll be-I mean _they’ll_ be right out,” she says, her cheeks pink as she stutters slightly over her words. 

“ _Anyway_ ,” Draco starts once the waitress is out of ear shot, even though she’s looking over her shoulder at them while she makes her way over toward the order window, “you didn’t answer my question.”

“I have, in fact, seen Harry lately,” Pansy replies in the affirmative, unfolding the napkin from around her silverware and placing it gently on her lap, “I ran into him at the Hog’s Head when I was getting a pint after work.” 

“Oh?” Draco hums, knowing that Pansy’s going to expand without him asking. 

“He seemed happy, out with the Weasley’s and Granger, but when he saw me he asked all about what you’ve been doing in the past month since you parted ways,” she continues, shaking her head at Draco slightly. 

“I’m glad he’s happy at least,” Draco says as the waitress comes back with their tea, her cheeks back to their natural color until Pansy smiles up at her. 

“Thanks, babe,” Pansy says as the waitress sets their cups and saucers down, turning back to Draco after the cute waitress leaves, Pansy’s eyes following the curve of her hips over Draco’s shoulder. “So,” she says once the waitress is out of her view, “when are you going to admit that you want to sleep with Harry?” 

“When are you going to get it through your head that I’m never going to sleep with Potter?” Draco says with a sigh, glaring across the table at Pansy as he stirs a bit of sugar into his tea. 

“Maybe when you finally accept that you want to,” she says as she makes a face at his sugary tea and takes a sip of her own black tea, her hand wrapped firmly around the warm cup as Draco shakes his head vehemently behind his own, his mouth too full of hot tea to properly respond. 

“Are you going to tell me what he’s up to or not?” Draco snaps once he swallows his tea, his eyes watering slightly at the burn of the liquid as it makes his way down his throat. 

Pansy lets out a sigh and says, “fine, alright, rumor has it that Harry’s going to go into Auror training with the rest of the so called heroes from the Final Battle.”

Draco finds himself unsurprised, nodding as he says, “of course he is. And I’m sure he’s going to be Head Auror in no time because he’s the bloody Boy Who Lived Twice.” 

Pansy rolls her eyes and says, “you’re so uptight when it comes to him, I seriously think you two should have just slept together at Hogwarts and gotten it out of your system.”

Draco glares and doesn’t say anything more on the subject, changing the topic to Pansy’s plans for over the summer instead because he’s sick of the knowing looks that she throws his way when they’re talking about Potter. The two of them sit in the coffee shop for a few hours longer, only interrupted by the cute waitress coming over to refill their cups, Pansy breaking off mid-sentence to flirt with her every time she approaches their table. “Well, this has been fun but I told mum that I would be home in time for dinner,” Draco says eventually as he finishes off his third cup of tea. 

“You’re such a mummy’s boy,” Pansy laughs as she sips on her second cup of tea. 

“Well that’s what happens when you survive having a mad man living in your manor, it works pretty well as a bonding experience between mother and son,” Draco says lightly as he reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a handful of Muggle money, the only one of the two of them that has a firm grasp on the conversion rate between it and wizard money. “Are you leaving too or…?” he asks as he puts more than enough money down to cover the cost of their teas. 

Pansy looks over her shoulder at the waitress that’s been waiting on them as she helps another table. “I think I’m going to stay for a bit longer,” she replies with a wink at Draco, causing him to laugh and roll his eyes as he stands up. 

“Alright well, good luck trying to pull,” he says as he walks over to stand next to her, leaning down to give her a short hug around her shoulders before he continues, “let me know how it goes.”

“Oh I will!” Pansy practically yells at his back as he makes his way out of the tea shop and into the crowded streets of London. 

——-

It’s only a few months later when Draco gets his rejection letter from St Mungo’s Healer Program, the letter says that he’s just not qualified but he knows in his heart that it’s because he’s a Malfoy, and even this far removed from the war the Malfoy name is still mud in the minds of most people. “I’m fine, Pans, honestly. We knew this was a possibility,” he says, his knees beginning to ache from where he’s kneeling on the fireplace hearth, chatting with Pansy through the floo system. 

“It’s just a load of bollocks!” she nearly shouts as she paces the floor in front of her own fireplace, angry at the world on behalf of Draco. 

“I know what it is,” he sighs, shaking his head at Pansy’s dramatics, “but I knew this could happen. In fact, I was surprised that they even accepted my application through the first round of selection, I didn’t think I’d make it even that far.” 

“I’m sorry, it’s just...it’s not fair! I can’t believe they’d do this to you!” Pansy says as she eases herself down to sit on her hearth, wanting to be eye level with Draco instead of forcing him to tilt his head back just to see her. 

Draco shrugs even though he knows that Pansy can’t see him as he responds, “that’s part of the reason I’m looking into living in Muggle London instead of here; I’m sick of being glared at whenever I decide to leave Wiltshire.”

Pansy frowns at her friend sadly, “do you want me to come through? We could have a cuppa and talk some more?”

“Nah, I’m alright Pansy, I promise,” he replies as he shakes his head, “I just want to be alone right now. I don’t want to have to think. Plus, I know you’re packing for your trip to France, so you can’t actually come over anyway.”

“It’s the thought that counts, right” Pansy says with a small laugh, knowing that Draco is using that as an excuse to not have her come over.

“Of course,” Draco smiles, “now what I really need is for you to have an excellent time in France for me and owl me all the time so that I can live vicariously through you while I’m here dealing with Muggle real estate agents.”

“Right, of course I will!” Pansy says with a laugh, “and I want to know the minute you find a place to stay, because if I like it well enough you may or may not find yourself with a roommate...possibly. My mum is driving me spare with all her talk about future plans; it’s like she actually thinks I know what the hell I want to do with my life!” 

Draco says, “well, you’re always welcome to stay with me,” with a smile before they say their goodbyes and Draco pulls his head out of the fireplace, ending the floo call. 

He clambers to his feet and grabs a book from his bedside table, going to sit on his bed, with his back against his headboard. Draco goes back to the book that he was reading before he received the owl from St Mungo’s, a manual that he found in the lighter section of the manor library on Animagi and the process to become your animal. He’s still not sure if he wants to become one as he’s heard that the process is near impossible, but he’s always been interested in the theory behind different kinds of magic, so he figures there’s nothing wrong with a bit of light reading. 

“Darling,” Narcissa says from the doorway of his bedroom, her hip resting against the ornate frame, “are you very sure that you don’t want me to accompany you to look at flats later today? I can be _very_ Muggle when I need to be.”

He shakes his head as he places a finger on the spot that he last read. “I’m sure, mum, honestly,” Draco says, trying not to think about the last time that he and his mother ventured into the muggle world together.

“Even if I promise that this time I won’t threaten to curse the first Muggle that looks at me oddly,” Narcissa says with a slight chuckle, tilting her head. 

“Mum, honestly, I really don’t need you to go with me. I aced my Muggle Studies N.E.W.T.S and I’ve been spending a bunch of time in the Muggle world this summer so it would honestly just be best for me to go by myself,” Draco says, shifting his legs on his comforter and trying to sound more sure of himself than he is. 

Narcissa nods her head and stands up straight saying, “alright, love, come find me before you leave at least. I’ll probably be taking tea somewhere somewhere on the grounds.”

With that she’s gone from the room, as graceful and silent as always, and Draco goes back to his book, the appointment that he made with the Muggle realtor not for hours. 

\------

“Well this is the last one on show today, Mister Malfoy, and I must say that it’s...well, it could use some work,” the realtor, Bianca Welt, says as she pulls the company car up in front of a small house, the paint on the outside chipping visibly from the road. 

Draco has been silently freaking out all day, between being driven around in some metal Muggle contraption that runs on petrol and interacting one-on-one with an actual Muggle he’s a bit stressed. However, when he sees the house in front of him after climbing carefully out of the car he’s enchanted, his brain already kicking into overdrive as he thinks about how he can fix the façade and really make it his own. “I’d still like to look,” he says politely, smiling at Bianca and internally rolling his eyes when he sees the faint blush on her cheeks. 

“Right, o’course, this way,” she walks down the cobblestone path toward the door, her steps steady even as her heels get caught between the stones. “So,” she begins as she opens the door, ushering Draco into the tiny entryway, “this house has been abandoned for a few years but, since it matches all of the criteria that you sent ahead, my manager recommended that I show it to you. It’ll be a bit of a project if you decide on this one, but it’s one of the only houses in the area that actually has bomb shelter just outside, which, if I may say so, is one of the oddest requests that we’ve had for a house in a while.” 

He shrugs his shoulders and says, “I really just want the extra storage space that a shelter provides. I like to collect wine and underground is the best way to store the better bottles.” Draco knows absolutely nothing about wine, he’d had to ask the house elves before he left and his favorite, Flicker, had been more helpful than he would have thought, but the wine excuse is much easier to explain than the fact that he’s looking to build a potion lab and he doesn’t want the fumes to travel into his house.

“Of course,” Bianca says politely, more than familiar with the weirder side of wealthy living. “Well, take a look around and you can just yell if you need me,” she says, propping her hip against the small table standing in the entryway. 

Draco takes his time walking through the house, taking note of the horrid wallpaper and even worse carpeting even as he feels himself become more infatuated with the house than he was just seeing the outside. “It’s lovely, I’ll take it,” he says as he makes his way back into the entry hall where the realtor is still waiting for him. 

She looks surprised, her eyebrows rising slightly as she asks, “you don’t need to talk it over with anyone? A girlfriend or something?” 

“Nope, as I’m single it’s just me making the purchase,” he replies, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Oh,” Bianca says, sounding slightly relieved though Draco isn’t exactly sure why, “well this is a great purchase for a bachelor. I certainly wouldn’t raise a family here but you on your own can certainly make it a lovely home.” 

“That’s the plan,” Draco says as he smiles slightly, ideas for decorating already running through his head. 

After making the decision to buy all that’s left is to go back to the real estate agency and sign a few papers, or as Bianca jokingly says ‘sign your life away’ which would certainly be a better joke if the last time he heard that it wasn’t serious and he hadn’t ended up with the Dark Mark burned onto his forearm. 

A few hours later Draco is making his way back to Malfoy Manor a proud new homeowner, excitement lending a slight bounce to his steps as he makes his way up the cobblestone path to the towering front doors. As soon as he makes it into the entry hall he calls out for Flicker, asking the small house elf where his mother is once she appears in front of him with a snap of apparation. “Taking tea in the gardens!” the house elf answers in her squeaky tone, stooping low enough that her nose nearly touches the ground. 

“Thank you, Flicker,” Draco says with a kind smile, barely managing to avoid jerking back in surprise when she disapparates with another loud snap. He makes his way out to the back garden quickly, and when he sees Narcissa curled up on the stone bench next to the roses that she had planted herself just after their trials he can’t help but grin. “Mum,” he says loudly as he approaches, not wanting to scare her, “I did it, I found a house that I’ve signed for.”

Narcissa blinks slowly at her only child before setting her cup of tea down carefully on the table next to the bench she’s on as she stands up. “Darling, I’m so proud,” she says, sounding genuinely so as she takes the few steps needed to close the distance between them, pulling him into a nearly back cracking hug. 

“ _Mum_ ,” he chokes out, letting himself be hugged, “ _I can’t breathe._ ”

Narcissa pulls away from the hug effortlessly, kissing him on the cheek before she goes back to the bench, patting the expanse of stone next to her hip and waiting for Draco to sit next to her before she asks, “so, where is this house?”

\-----

Five weeks later Draco is settling into his new house, slowly unpacking his potions lab into his bomb shelter and trying to decide between paint swatches for the various rooms in the house, when he hears a consistent tapping at his bedroom window, the obvious sound of an owl beak echoing through the still mostly empty house. He’s suspicious as he makes his way into his bedroom and allows the bird to settle on the edge of his dresser, taking the piece of parchment from its leg as he absentmindedly feeds it a treat from the packet of owl treats sitting on his bedside table. 

Draco nearly chokes on his tongue when he sees who the letter is from, having to double check the messy signature twice to be sure that he’s reading it correctly. It takes all that he has to actually read it and not just toss it once he knows for sure who wrote it. _Dear Draco_ , it starts, _I was wondering how you’ve been since we last spoke? I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write but I was under the impression that you wanted nothing to do with me until a little bird (Pansy, of course) recently told me that you had been asking around_. The messy signature at the bottom of the page reads _Harry Potter_ , and causes Draco to shake his head at both the Boy Who Lived and his supposed best mate. 

Instead of replying to the letter he lights it on fire with his wand and after giving the owl another treat for its troubles, ushers it out of his window. “The nerve of him,” Draco mumbles to himself as he goes back to looking at paint swatches for his living room, continuing in an even more annoyed tone of voice, “and I can’t _believe_ Pansy still talks to him.”

Speaking of Pansy, he’s just about settled on a color when his fireplace chimes a melodic sound, alerting him to the fact that someone wants to floo in. Draco waves his wand in the direction of his fireplace, when it’s revealed that it’s Pansy that wants to come through he’s only mildly tempted to keep her out but, waving his wand again, he allows her to come through. “Well,” Pansy coughs as she stumbles out of the fireplace, “I don’t think I’ve flooed into a dirtier fireplace before in my entire life.”

“I think you should stop talking to Potter about me,” Draco says, ignoring her complaint as he crosses his arms over his chest and watches as Pansy covers her face with an admittedly dirty hand.

“How’d you find out?” she asks, not bothering to deny it. 

“Potter decided to write to me, asking how I was because he was under the impression that I kept asking about him,” he says, tilting his head to the side slightly with a frown and Pansy shakes her head. “And he said in the letter that you told him,” Draco continues which causes Pansy to let out a loud laugh. 

“I always knew that Harry wasn’t the smartest,” she says lightly, “but I didn’t lie to him, you do ask me about him constantly.”

“I just want to know why you’re still talking to him,” Draco sighs, gesturing to the couch just off to the side of the fireplace and sitting, watching Pansy clean herself off with a spell before she sits down next to him. Pansy’s cheeks turn red in an instant, which confuses Draco for a moment before he feels a sense of dread. “Oh Merlin, please tell me you’re not sleeping with him!” he says, trying not to sound hysterical and failing. 

Pansy laughs, sounding panicky, “Merlin no, he’s very much not into witches but I ah-I might possibly be seeing someone that’s close to him?” 

Draco narrows his eyes, “how close?” 

“Like...ex-girlfriend close? I’ve been uh, I’ve been seeing Ginny Weasley since like...the third week I was in France?” 

Now Draco does choke on his tongue, his eyes widening as he stares at her while he asks, “You’ve been seeing someone and you didn’t _tell me_? And I thought you told me everything that happened in France! What was Weasley even _doing_ in France?” 

“She was doing a scrimmage match with the Holyhead Harpies and I happened to be at the match because I have a cousin that plays on the team. We got to talking and well...we ended up shagging in the locker room after everyone else left,” Pansy replies, her face still pink. “And I guess she talks to Harry about what we talk about because I haven’t actually told him anything directly,” she continues honestly, shrugging. 

Draco looks at Pansy intensely for a moment before he says, “well alright, so are you going to help me decorate this house or no?” After she nods they get up from the couch and start arguing over the paint colors, Pansy having told him a few days prior that she’ll be moving in with him so she thinks that she should get a majority of the opinion simply because she’s had to put up with him for a majority of their lives and that it’s only fair. 

The two of them settle on colors for the rooms and Draco can feel himself becoming excited again because, even though he didn’t get the job that he wanted, he’s got his own house and he’ll be living with his best mate away from the wankers of the Wizarding World.

**Author's Note:**

> I am still not sure if this reads as choppy or confusing but I have faith that it's good so I decided to post it!


End file.
